Haystack

Fighting Fatbody

2008-06-03T04:30:00.001-07:00

Well for any of you that have enjoyed a lifelong struggle with Fatbody, you'll be interested to know the desperate measures are being arranged.

I'm talkin' WW. I'm talkin' pay a membership fee and use little tickets to weigh in weekly surrounded by souls with a similar plight on my lunch break every Thursday. Holy crap.

Yes there will also be some cardio action - namely a 'Couch to 5K' running program.

Ideally there will be some yoga (great for climbers) but I'm not sure if I can get down with this part of the plan since it never seems to stick. Yet I have a feeling it's like smoking cigarettes and eating sushi - very unpleasant at first but if you work at it you learn to love it...and then develop an addiction!

Isn't WW so freakin' retro? Stay tuned.

What the #^$% happened to her?

2008-05-21T19:08:00.000-07:00

Hello friends! Still alive and kicking here in Toronto, Ontario. After a lengthy hiatus I've returned - for one post at least!

Most of you already have the skinny on this one but here's how it all played out...

Last fall I met a boy at the climbing gym. (I fell off the wall while in my harness, he was walking below, the rope was stretchy, I didn't land on him but almost did, he said something in an accent, I thought he called me ninja, he started calling me ninja...) Over the Christmas holidays I got sick and forgot him. I had the ebola-typhus and pretty much nearly died. Then in February we met up again and I took up his offer of a drink at the pub after climbing.

Here we are three months later! I am smitten. :) It has been quite a whirlwind. His name is Yoav - he is from Israel, here doing a Masters in Biochemistry at U of T. His current work placement is at Sick Kids hospital. He is smart, crazy, funnay, positive, sexy, climb-y ... Yes! Yay!

In April we adventured to Nevada, Utah and Arizona with his 21 family members where we toured in 5 RVs, caravan style! This was an adventure that I can't begin to explain. All from Israel, all Hebrew-speaking and all speaking at the same time!

Now I am settled back into work, climbing, hanging with Yoav, livin' and lovin'. For a while there things were new and surreal and all my regular routines slipped away. Now that my course is over (taking summer off!), and the trip is over, I'm finding more time to get back to myself. I am particularly excited about exercising (cardio? what is that?) and outdoor climbing. Yoav took Harry and I on Monday to Rattlesnake point and it was a blast!

Anyway I hope to write much more this summer and even posts some pics. Hope all is well with all of you! (All 3 of you!)

Sparkly D

Best Day Ever

2008-02-13T20:53:00.000-08:00

Dear Everyone,

Today probably is! Holy crap - why didn't I buy a lottery ticket???

JanCon Epic Strategy 10b Darren Climbing Arm Wrestle Victory Jenny's Email.

While far too lazy to write it all down I do need to remember it all. Wow.

D

Epilogue

2008-02-04T04:27:00.000-08:00

So my experiment in productivity was not a complete failure. I missed the boat for climbing but I did work fairly diligently and managed to roughly complete my paper between 5 and 6, affording me sufficient time to attend the Super Bowl party.

The whole thing fell down because I had spent all day camped out at home (ie Garth's place - lol!) where there was nothing but bread and p.b. By the time I finished the paper my eyes were sore, I was lethargic and just felt like relaxing. So I bailed on the Super Bowl party and watched Man of the Year! (Great movie - that 'computer glitch' was pretty sobering, no? Double bs, double ls...yikes!) Thus far, 2008 has been the Year of the Bail. (Not seen in such epic proportions since university when I would generally leave social events (often without notifying my companions) and go home to watch That Girl on TV with my mom.

I think another reason for bailing was fatbody. Yesterday was rock bottom. The bread and p.b. The Italian that G and I ordered. The inactivity. Well TODAY is the first day of my steadfast journey to the 140s!!!

Battle cry!!! Musical crishendo (spelled as it SHOULD be spelled)!!!

Fuck.

Off to work. Then class.

Double fuck.

Happy Monday. This ray of sunshine is signing off...

Experiment in Productivity

2008-02-03T04:21:00.000-08:00

Today I need to complete a paper for my course (due tomorrow). I am up early on a snowy Super Bowl Sunday to do it and obviously dicking around on the computer instead. I challenge myself to hunker down (LOVE that expression!) and instead of letting the task stretch to 10 pm tonight, I should complete it by 1:30 pm, thus affording myself time to 1) climb at 2 pm and 2) attend Harry's Superbowl party where I will NOT eat deep-fried turkey.

I have not read 'The 4-Hour Workweek' but if I did, I bet this is the type of thing I would be encouraged to do. It will require Unfettered Productivity. Ie this blog is a Fetter. Ie you are a Fetter. Or a Fetterette.

Bye for now.

;)

D

Happy 10a Day!

2008-02-02T13:07:00.000-08:00

Yippee! Today I went climbing with Melanie, a good friend from Laurier, and finished my first 10a! This is a big milestone in terms of difficulty level. Mel did a great job her first time both climbing and belaying. She is a natural with the perfect body for climbing (tall and thin!) plus she loves heights.

Woohoo!

xox

D

Good One!

2008-01-29T21:20:00.000-08:00

Today I did my first (unassisted) chin up! AND I tried two 5.10bs! Yay post climbing euphoria!

D

New Arrival!

2008-01-22T15:29:00.000-08:00

My new bed is arriving any hour now! I have cleared (and dusted) a space for it!!!

Yay!

Another Dream

2008-01-20T08:54:00.000-08:00

Couldn't neglect to mention another interesting dream I had last night.

You know those classic anxiety dreams about writing a test for which you've not studied or leaving for a trip when you haven't packed? I had a great variation on that last night...

I dreamt that I was invited to play the role of Maria in a production of The Sound of Music. I arrived at the theatre and to my surprise - it was the night of the production and a huge audience was already assembled in their seats.

Unfortunately, I had no costume (ironic given my 2007 Hallowe'en costumes!) so clearly the logical priority was to cut one haphazardly from material and pretty much wrap it around myself. I had never met the cast, seen the script or reviewed my lines. The organizer quickly brought me to the front and suddenly I was on the stage with several other actors. I had no idea what part of the play we were at (clearly not the beginning of the movie - otherwise I could have unleashed my 'the hills are alive' number with reasonable ease and excellent enthusiasm. I stood there stupidly and someone tried to feed me my line. I just looked at everyone incredulously. I didn't even get to any singing!

Now we get to the part I'm proud of. Someone tried to imply that I was unprepared, didn't know my lines etc. I fought back! I started telling everyone off, dropping rapid fire f bombs like this: "I'M FUCKING UNPREPARED??? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? WHO THE FUCK PUTS ON A PLAY WITHOUT EVER HAVING MET THE PERSON PLAYING THE FUCKING LEAD? WHY THE FUCK HAVE WE NEVER REHEARSED? WHAT IS THIS FUCKING AUDIENCE DOING HERE WHEN I DON'T EVEN HAVE A FUCKING COSTUME?? YOU GUYS ARE FUCKED UP!!!"

Isn't that awesome? I let it all out. That never happens in real life! Yay me.

Stupid Dream People Union

2008-01-20T08:10:00.000-08:00

So when it comes to dreaming, I've always considered myself to be a lucky duck. Remembering dreams, vivid details, clever story lines, good sex ... etc. can't complain.

My claim to dream fame though, has been the rare occasions when I realize WHILE dreaming that I AM dreaming, yet I don't wake up. This tends to happen when I have gotten a lot of sleep (ie 9 hrs +) and no alarm wakes me. In these instances, I always do one or more of three things:

1) Fly / swoop / push through walls. I also like to 'liberate' others in my dream by telling them "This is my dream... you can fly too." Then it turns into a big flying and swooping fest and everyone is happy. I also push through walls and jump off really high things just to experience freedom from the usual waking constraints imposed by gravity, matter, etc. This is cool.

2) Sex. I walk up to some random dream person (male, female, old, young, hot, heinous - doesn't seem to matter) and say "This is my dream. Have sex with me." It seems to be a matter of instant gratification rather than an attempt to find the most attractive partner.

3) Smoking. Many of you who have known me for years know I used to be an avid smoker (almost a pack a day at the beginning of university). When I realize I'm dreaming I also like to smoke a cigarette or ten and tell bystanders "I can do this because I'm dreaming." I remember one time I even took a lit cigarette and put it out in my hand just to bring the fact home for them.

RECENT TROUBLES

Lately I haven't really thought much about the flying or the smoking and have gone straight for the goods - instant sexual gratification oh yeah! This is how I was alerted to trouble. A few weeks ago I realized I was dreaming and walked up to a random Indian man in a convenience store. I used my usual pick-up line "This is my dream. Let's have sex." Dammit ... this guy would NOT do it!!!! He didn't really give a reason and it wasn't an altercation or anything. It just was not happening.

Upon waking reflection I became worried - was this dream proof that I am not actually in control of all the variables? Or did those dream people get sick of being violated by me and decide to unionize?

MORE TROUBLE

Last night I was in the middle of a not so pleasant dream of which I can't exactly recall the plot but the stakes were high and it was rushy and scary - I was driving resources to some big factory and arrived at the factory entrance - not sure where to go or what to do. Inside, there was a receptionist type woman off to the side at a workstation thingy surrounded by intimidating machines, dark spaces, conveyor belts etc. All of a sudden I said to myself "This situation I preposterous - I would never be here doing this. Clearly, this is a dream." The minute I had the realization I knew I was right. I walked over to the woman at her workstation. She was facing her computer and her back was to me.

I don't know what I intended to say or do exactly but I do know that I did NOT plan to make her have sex with me. I think I was going to tell her it was my dream and she needn't work anymore at whatever she was doing since the whole dark scary factory was an illusion. Well as I approached her, she turned around suddenly - Instead of a normal human face, she had the face of a robot or horror movie hockey-mask thing. Smooth plastic with holes and a face shape. It scared the CRAP OUT OF ME and I immediately woke up!!!

WTF?????

I'm seriously not amused. I have enough trouble with real life people and problems. I have to compromise, be reasonably considerate, think long term, "let it unfold", suck it up, make the best of things that are "not perfect"... you get it. I don't want any freakin' hassles from these dream people. No scaring. No prudes. No questions. Just do whatever the hell I want, when and how I want it. Fuckers.

Why not now?

2008-01-19T07:47:00.000-08:00

I always think about writing stories / movies etc. but never do it. Then I see some clever plotch of culture like Juno or Superbad or whatever and I wish I wrote something even just for laughs. So I decided to get started. Problem is I'm at Garth's place and he has no computer so I'm using this tiny coffee table computer of Mike Reid's (called an Eee PC) - the size of a paperback. So, like, it's not that easy to type on this thing. Clearly not the right time to make a cultural plotch. Ahhh so it goes.

PS - Did you catch the part about Garth not having a computer??? This is proof positive that ANYTHING can happen.

Off to run on a hamster wheel so that I can make my meat suit stronger and less bouncy and so that I can release chemicals that make me feel good in the monkeybrain and so that I can eat more morning muesli pitabreak pitas which both the suit and the brain LOVE.

2008-01-13T19:34:00.001-08:00

More! More!

Good News:

I got an A in the first course of my Masters. Yay! I'm a permanerd.

Yesterday I met a wiener dog named Milo.

I slept in until 10:40 am this morning without waking up. I did not think this was possible for me anymore.

Daniel and I had our first wellness check-in of 2008.

I saw a good movie called Sunshine. I love science fiction. My favourite movies involve viruses or the sun dying or something hitting it or whatever. I'm obsessed with impending doomsday when the SHTF (Shit hits the fan)

Bad News:

I ate a Chef Boyardee product today - mini ravioli (CB = Fatbody)

My next course is 'Innovative Models for Community Development". While I was doing the readings this afternoon my monkeybrain seriously formulated this thought (and several variations): "Why I am reading this? I don't give a shit about developing the community. I need to take care of myself!" You go monkeybrain!!! That's the spirit of survival talking! (Or maybe it was the mini ravioli talking.)

I have coughed 12 times since I started writing this. Make that 15 times.

I have a bad feeling about everybody.

I'm not tired yet and I need need need to get up early and go into work. That never works.

Bllllllehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

The Year of the Rat

2008-01-13T17:58:00.000-08:00

Well a few weeks into 2008, here's the early read:

2008 - The Year of the Rat

Alternately,

The year of the chronic cough.

The year of Hot Body February.

The year of questionable ethics. Sketchtastic.

The year of the big-girl bed. (Goodbye stupid crappy futon! My new mattress arrives on January 22nd and it is the same one the Queen sleeps on when she visits the Royal York)

The year of Narrow Closed. (vs. Wide Open*)

The year of the 5.10

The year I get prepared for when the shit hits the fan.

Bleh. This does not look so good. I'll have to work on it.

*Wide Open refers firstly to a local bar where I occasionally attend 2-for-1 drinks on Monday night. Wide Open also refers to my tendency to say things that are socially inappropriate and thus make others uncomfortable. Hence the year of Narrow Closed means not attending that bar very much (no good comes of it) and also generally applying a careful screen on what I say.

2007: Year in Review

2008-01-05T05:18:00.000-08:00

I got ebola-typhus strain D just before Christmas. That's why I did not share any fun or frustrated stories about Christmas shopping, Christmas events, red wine capers et cetera. I've been meaning to post my 2007 Year In Review (a big summary with reflections, life lessons, pics, links, poetry etc...) but I think procrastination and intimidation about a Year In Review are preventing me from writing anything at all. We can't have that - so here goes something.

2007 Year In Review

Home:

I lived in the Annex (Toront0 - Bloor and Bathurst hood) in a house with two roomies - Avital (there from the beginning) and Andrea (replaced Debbie in October) who also works with me at Northwater. Winter 2007 seemed to drag on forever and I got quite blue by the end of it I remember. I slipped and froze and cursed my way to subway in all kinds of weather and developed a serious disdain for winter in Toronto. When spring came, I was truly gleeful and loved walking in the neighbourhood filled with beautiful old houses and stunning gardens. I enjoyed Markham, Wells and Kendal streets as they came to life with the springtime. We added a barbeque and a patio set to the deck and really enjoyed it this spring an summer. I also tried my hand at gardening (flowers only) with some success and lots of learning. When Andrea moved in, the place got a major facelift since she had some nice furniture. 2007 didn't see much change in my own digs - I still slept on a futon surrounded by more Ikea than anyone wants to wake up to! I spent a lot of time at Garth's place (King and Bathurst) and it still proved to be the only place where I really full-body relax.

Work:

I worked at Bay and Wellington, at a small Canadian owned fund of funds. I had started there in July 2006 so I was there for the whole of 2007. Overall it was a great year - learning new skills, accomplishing goals, building relationships. I got an amazing new boss in January 2007 and started working with a great project team that was formed around the same time. These relationships have been very good and I don't forget for a second how important they are for overall job wellbeing. My 'honeymoon' with this company has not ended. Their culture and values are a great fit for me and I'm stoked about learning and doing even more. 2007 specifically included the Blueprinting systems conversion project, several process improvement projects and a big focus on collaboration tools. I learned a lot about MOSS 2007 and I see this tool as a huge complement to my Six Sigma / process improvement knowledge. In February 2007 I visited the Cayman Islands with two coworkers. In May 2007 I visited our New York office for the first time. One last thing - I got a 'promotion' to be a co-head (we do that) of our Business Process Optimization area of IT in 2007! Yay!

Learning:

I made huge leaps in this area! In January 2007 I took a course at Ryerson in video production. It facilitated the purchase of my first camera and the creation of my first few film projects. (A montage between breastfeeding and the ocean, a narrated story about Dee-Dee, and a documentary about sexuality of women.) In September 2007 I started a Master of Education in Adult Education and Community Development at OISE University of Toronto. Looking through the courses, my heart raced with excitement - there were so many things I was interested in (a stark contrast from my undergrad in Business Administration.) I completed my first course in Organizational Democracy and absolutely loved it. It was a very cool course and the instructor was a knowledgeable, chilled, insightful British woman whom I found very interesting and effective. My first paper was on the impact of collaboration tools on organizational structure and power. As you can see, I had great crossover between work and school which felt great. Everything I learned could be immediately discussed and applied in a work environment that is so open to new thinking. I am a big ideas person and I love to surround myself with creative people who are building something. Specifically, ideas that were big for me in 2007 were:

Collaboration - social networks, collaboration tools, group dynamics, processes that facilitate innovation.
Innovative ways to connect corporations and communities.
Social investment, 'the social economy' and a lot of big picture thinking about how the world needs new models for choosing how we use our resources. The same way the medical profession is shifting from a sickness to a wellness model, we need to shift our spending to get in front of the drivers of environmental and social problems.
Community/cultural development through the arts (ie film, narrative, poetry, fine arts)
Wellness - the wheel was still big for me as a mental model and an approach to continuous improvement in my own life
Different models for social interaction - I noticed many of my discussions surrounded different approaches to community, relationships, having and raising children. Lots of questioning of marriage, the nuclear family etc. I think I'm ready to start a cult in 2008!
Astronomy and physics came into the picture a bit and I seem to have cultivated this big picture lens where I look a lot at us humans like I'm sitting in an observatory above the planet. While I feel the richness of my own human experience (instincts, emotions, ego, intellect, spirit) yet I did some pretty big picture reflecting in 2007 and felt myself in this space and time as a tiny, insignificant speck on infinity. Cool!

Family:

Audrey and Hector were both fairly healthy in 2007 although my mum had a horrible bug that lasted several months and her back went out about three times. As my parents approach their seventies their age is constantly apparent. My mum is obese, immobile and very unhealthy and I worry a lot about the future. In 2007 I got her a membership to Curves which she has really enjoyed. When she is not sick and her back is not out, she goes three times a week. Still, it doesn't seem to be getting her there in terms of improvement / weight loss. My dad retired in 2006 so he was off all of 2007. He participated in many activities - cards, bowling, Qi Gong etc.) The big turmoil for our little family was when Winston started limping. The vet indicated that the ligament in his knee was damaged. We restricted his jumping and he has improved a lot but it was extremely stressful for about a month as we thought he may need to be put to sleep. He now doesn't limp but it is hard on my family because my dad has to carry him up / down / out and my mom has not been able to do it because of her poor health. My cousin Carl moved with his family to the Yukon. It was hard on my aunt since it was also the year my cousin had a baby (her first grandchild) named Isaac. Over Christmas, it was nice to spend time with Garth's family who adopted me years ago!

Travel:

2007 was pretty exciting for travel:

New York: (I love New York!) First was our 30th birthday girls trip with Heather, Shawna and Melanie. I then went for work (visit to the New York office) and my friend Jennifer's bachelorette party in Spring 2007. I liked it so much I decided to visit again in October to see my friend Mic who lives with roommate Anthony in the East Village. In November I went a fourth time to cheer on Gillian in the NYC Marathon. I learned a lot about New York (one of my 2007 goals) and also got to keep up great friendships with Gillian, Mic, Anthony and Chetan.
Cayman: In February 2007 I visited Cayman with Benita and Shauna from work for a process improvement project with an administrator. I really enjoyed it professionally and therapeutically - I had a horrible sinus cold and the minute I breathed in the humid ocean air I felt better. I visited Stingray City and got to feed squid to tame stingrays. Our guide on Captain Marvin's boat had a 'girlfriend' stingray named Emily who followed him around and gave him kisses. I also got a grown-up watch while on Cayman which is sporty yet has some fun bling. I love it!
San Diego: My friend Laurie and I met for a warm vacation in San Diego, CA in March 2007. I was dying for sun and to catch up with my dear friend who now lives in Oregon. We had a great time together - first we stayed at a famous hotel called the Del Coronado (in Coronado) where I really enjoyed morning yoga on the beach with soldiers from the military beach running by. Then we headed to La Valencia hotel in La Jolla. This was my absolute favourite and I would highly recommend a visit.
San Francisco: In August I returned to the Bay Area for my friend Jennifer's wedding to David in Atherton (close to Palo Alto) and got to see many old friends from my time at GE in San Rafael. I stayed with my new friend Mic whom I had met during Jennifer's bachelorette party. We had a great time together and the wedding was lovely. I wrote a blog about it but didn't yet publish it. I'm thinking of doing it for their one year anniversary at this rate! My friend Maya also took me over the bridge into SF where I got to stomp around Fillmore Street, go to the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf and even pop my head into Godzila Sushi.

Arts and Creativity

I mentioned above that in 2007 my aspirations around film became reality - I took a course, bought a camera and dove in! My first projects, though poorly done technically, were journeys in writing, casting, filming, editing... and involved many friends and coworkers. Very fun, funny and enriching for all involved. In October 2007 I bought a Mac Book Pro and some serious software - Final Cut Studio. (Richy!) I was really inspired by Mic's roommate Anthony and his Greatest Living Writers Project. I'm sad to report that I haven't used the stuff yet - but it is coming.

I have an interest in crafts with cloth on canvas. In 2007, I bought fabrics from Queen West, several canvases, fabric scissors, glue, brushes for the glue... And then I put them in a box cuz it was summer! I'm happy about the progress here since it has been on my mind ever since I bought this cool piece from an art show in 2005.

My Hallowe'en costume this year was a truly creative endeavor. I was Maria Von Trapp and did four costume changes - The postulant, the fraulein, the bride and naughty nun Maria after dark. The pictures taken at the Hallowe'en party with the actual movie playing behind me will transform into some creative project (or blackmail material when I go into politics!).

I completed some poetry as part of a charity auction. While the offering of poems started out as a joke, they turned out well and were more significant than I thought they would be: The first was a poem for a book that was commissioned as part of a 50th birthday tribute for a fairly famous (in Toronto) Jewish business person. The second was a haiku based poem for a couple recently married. Funny to write haiku about people you don't know and an event you did not attend. I felt like I knew them by the end! Finally I made an 'epic' poem to be given as a birthday present to a daughter of one of my coworkers. The poem was written to complement some art (6 pictures) that had children, fairies, forests etc.

Community

I continued volunteer facilitation of a youth program at FoodShare in Toronto. In total, Daniel and I ran the program (developed when I did the wellness certificate at Centennial) three times. I helped by facilitating several workshops and organizing subject matter experts in communication, career and financial planning. Anne (a Toronto Finance professor) and I had so much fun with the financial workshops that we ran them for another charitable organization with great success. These 2007 experiences in community development largely inspired my statement of purpose in my masters application.

Physical / Athletics

Well let's not put it off any longer... 2007 was the year I met climbing! Woo hoo! What a great year for physical development. Climbing is that, and so much more. I view myself as strong now. I have experienced for the first time, that rush of getting better at something, feeling strong, and having a reason to exercise. Climbing trumps eating, drinking, sleeping (f$&!ing)! For anyone who knows about my body image issues of the past - this transformation is not insignficant. I also found 2007 was not so focused on scales and calories - what a blessing to lift that pressure and focus more on what I want to do with my body! Since I blog about this all the time, I don't think I need to say much more! Climbing = happy. A lot of this started with my fixation on doing a one-armed push-up like GI Jane! Now I can at least do a male push-up and I can do a plank for 1 minute. This is hard! In late 2007 I also started to run around the track at the U of T Athletic Centre. This one is harder to keep up, especially when I hate hauling my ass around in winter. Cardio took second fiddle in 2007.

Friends / Social

I spent my time with some great people:

Garth and his people
Harry (working together, climbing together... good year)
Daniel (huge blessing in 2007 - as "wellness buddy" and fab friend)
Heather, Shawna, Mel - we've come a long way and I'm proud of us!!! Ava was born in June 2006 so she was hanging with the girls all year 2007
Avital and Andrea - great roomies!

There are some friends (Chantelle, Jen, Maya...) that I didn't keep in great touch with in 2007 but I hope to get back in a groove in 2008.

Anyway, I'm off to brunch with HP, Elizabeth and Andrea... yum!

Happy New Year 2008!

Love

moving to another place

2007-12-17T16:16:00.000-08:00

Is it normal to think a lot about moving to another place? Especially in winter I have the thought of picking up and starting something fresh and new at least seventeen times (literally) a day.

My mind is busy with messages like these:

move out
quit your job
leave here
travel travel travel
this is not your place
this is not your home
start over

I've made it over a year in my job and over a year in my current place, yet these thoughts never seem to leave me. As a possible remedy, I researched buying a bed. It seemed symbolic of taking root. I called Sleep Country and remembered how much I HATE mattress salesmen. One step up from used car salesmen.

Now I have this anxiety ball in my stomach so I decided to blog and then exercise. Big shocker - going climbing with HP. I hate everyone today but luckily not him. He was excited because usually when I get a hate on, he's public enemy number one. He attributes it to the climbing.

Just talked to him - change of plans... ribs! (Comfort food!)

Bye

D

hand on leg

2007-12-16T05:20:00.000-08:00

I had a lot of wine last night and should be sleeping but here I am drinkin' water, headachin' and blogging it out.

Get ready for a story and discussion/reflection.

Story

(Honesty Rating (H.R.): med-high, Entertainment Value (E.V.): med-high (much better than yet another climbing story)

Last night I went to a Christmas party hosted by a friend from work. She is a few years older with a partner and young son but the party was not a coupley lame-ass affair with pervasive diaper talk. It was a great time with awesome food and plenty o' booze. There were 40+ people expected to attend and on Friday, she was reflecting on whether there would be any single men whom I might like in attendance. She thought of a few...

So she went through and explained this or that guy: tall, smart, financially stable, successful, funny, homeowner, 'great guy', etc. On a sidebar, I think it is funny the adjectives we use to describe men or women when considering them as potential dates or partners. On another sidebar, it is interesting how many other items on the list women are willing to trade up for 'tall'. Anyway, I did my 'off dating' bit and just laughed along through the conversation.

I dolled up for the party and arrived with Harry and Evan, two friends I work with (wearing my kickass new snow boots just in time for the blizzard! Yippee!) As we started mingling, working the scene, if you will, in the back of my mind, I wondered who in the crowd of many strangers were the men my friend had described. (Incidentally, I believe only 1 of them showed up on account of the weather...)

So I see this guy across the room (how cliche) and immediately that indescribable energy, something, prompts me to send his way the biggest, cutest smile I've got. As some of you may know, this is quite a smile. I had absolutely no idea if he was single or if one of the mini humans running around the kitchen were his contribution to species propagation. The traits of this man were some of the usual for me:

- Big features: eyes and smile

- Tall and large (ie burly, not skinny at all. Slightly heavy rather than rail thin.)

- Friendly: smiling and social, outgoing

- Glint o' laughter and trouble in the eyes and smile indicating playful, clever sense of humour

- Apparent ethnicity: Some percentage (ie 50% or less) black. So he was light brown :)

- Dressed very casually - jeans, fleece. No metrosexuality.

- Very confident

Soon we were introduced and he was sure he had met me somewhere. I clarified that my smile earlier was charm and not recognition as we had never met before. We chatted amidst a group of people and then it was time to go downstairs for the next course in the meal... and in my mind, the game was on. I knew within 3 seconds that I liked him and at the very least, my body had the clear intention of pursuit. (Pursuit of meat suit)

I made no mention to the hostess or any of my friends. Turns out he is her husband's poker buddy and wasn't even in the list of 'eligible' men she had thought about earlier. As is the way, I had to pursue with subtlety. I play a good cat and mouse. I just worked the friendly and funny angle and mingled a lot with everyone. The booze was flowing. He emerged as quite a drinker and a smoker. Clearly, he was a 'character'. Harry would say, 'a big personality'. He had this bad boy, devil may care thing going on. In spite of several conversations, I had no idea of his occupation, education, status... etc. Got the sense though, that there was nothing impressive to find out or I would have found it out! Didn't care!

So we got to playing poker. We were sitting beside each other (what a coincidence!) around the cramped poker table. By now this guy had his leg very close to mine and every once in a while he gave my leg a squeeze with his hand. Another sidebar: Isn't the hand on leg electric? I think hand on leg is the tipping point that acknowledges mutual sexual attraction. When a man puts his hand on a woman's leg for the first time, it charts the course for what will come. His hand wants to be up her skirt and between her legs! Further, it indicates that he has received sufficient sexual signals from her to be so bold. If she welcomes hand on leg, she will likely welcome head between legs etc. (Caveat: Social situation permitting, and not necessarily on the same evening! but viscerally (ie in the meat suit, monkeybrain connection) this holds true)

So isn't this fun? Sneaky covert flirtation amongst a table of the drunk and oblivious. Of course the hours moved along and Harry (who lives down the street) was aggressively trying to get me to leave. Harry was telling me to go all in. The boy I liked was giving me more chips. :) Sadly, eventually Harry won out and we headed upstairs to go.

At this point, everyone was congregated in the entryway by the door. Harry was already outside looking for the cab. Everyone was saying goodbye. This guy had said I should stay and be his euchre partner (euphemism, lol) and was sad I was leaving. I was almost out the door and wondering if/how I could even get to say goodbye to him.

Right in front of everyone, he walked up to me smiling and gave me this huge hug. Remember he was big and fleecy and it felt so freakin' good that I nearly melted into him or straddled him or something! Then, still right in front of everyone - he kissed me long on the lips. Too long to be just friendly, but not 'making out'. He whispered that I should stay. Oh god this meat suit of mine was all 'stay stay stay STAY!' Of course, no no no. I couldn't stay. It was absolutely socially impossible for me to stay.

Everyone was surprised! They exclaimed something about this guy being 'smooth' as if he was putting moves on me, the innocent female victim. As if he was a player. I laughed it off and went to the cab. There were too many people to fit in the cab but a good friend of the hostess said (outside) 'We have to get Denise in the first cab - away from M!" (where "M"=the boy I liked. His full name is being kept out of this entry). Then she jokingly said to me that I should take it as an early Christmas present: "Merry Christmas!"

So Merry freakin' Christmas. I went home.

Discussion

The story took too long and now I don't have time for much discussion. Some thoughts:

Why am I here typing this instead of working on my seventh orgasm with my new friend?
Is it possible to regret if you do and regret if you don't? I have been cut by both edges of this sword in the past. I KNOW I found him attractive when sober. I WANTED him. I KNOW I very purposefully made him want me too.
Were the people at the party trying to protect me because he is of bad character? ie girlfriend? baggage? STI? man whore? flake? Or did they just assume I was being compromised as a result of alcohol?
I am nearly positive that he was not 'dateable' in a future-looking way. If this is relevant, then why doesn't my body give a shit about future 'relationship potential'? I think it wants to make big, hearty babies and all it cares about is selecting the alpha who will get up in there. My meat suit does not give a crap if my coworkers judge me or I end up stressing about consequences (all sorts) later. So I try to do the responsible thing and now I feel sad.
Wouldn't the time have been better spent climbing???

Oh well. All will agree, it is not always about immediate gratification but about planting seeds and letting them grow. I will learn more about him on Monday and just let it unfold. In the meantime... gotta run to brunch people.

xox

chimney day!

2007-12-15T14:15:00.000-08:00

Today I was up bright and early to climb with Paul. It was a great climbing day but the pinnacle was when I completed the 60 ft chimney climb. It would not be such a big deal, but for some reason climbing up a corner with crevices and angles freaks me out.

After climbing, we had breakfast and I got to drinkin' coffay (buzz, buzz). The coffee boosted me from regular to near exultant post-climbing euphoria.

Next was shopping at MEC. I got:

- Warm (and cool lookin') snow boots

- Warm (and cool lookin') ski pants. (FYI I don't ski. These are all for staying warm in the city this winter! I'm serious about staying warm!)

- A shoe repair kit for my climbing shoes. I abused them too much and got a hole in one toe.

- A backpack with a place for my laptop. It is pretty funky with even a cover for rain or snow.

- A climbing DVD for Harry's Christmas gift.

- 2 climbing books - one for me, one for Harry - known as the 'climbing bible'. Can't wait to read it! (The scriptures of my new religion.)

Now I am going to a party where I plan to drink some red wine and have a good time!

jeepers

2007-12-13T19:54:00.000-08:00

Tonight I went climbing with Tasha and learned (the hard way) about creepers. This guy started talking to us while we were at the bar (exercise, not bar for drinkin') trying to act all this-is-this-and-that-is-that about chin-ups and such. I noticed nearly immediately that he was focused on Tasha. He then asked if we'd mind belaying him.

This was where I got concerned. Although climbing in a three is fine with friends, I was not signing up to climb with some guy all night and get less climbs. Soon Jamie (works there) called me over and asked me to help him with a belay check. I climbed for a bit with a nice woman named Julia (the person getting the belay check) and figured I could stay away from the irritating guy who was laying it on thick by this point.

A little while later Jamie said "you're welcome." We started talking and he said "that guy Dan is a creeper. He hits on women climbers and will act all expert about climbing and the gym. He'll drive out the partner of whomever he is focused on with the aim of getting a phone number. As soon as he gets it, he will ease off and even start talking to other girls." I was like "No freakin' way! That is exactly what happened to me!" Fucker.

The problem is Tasha is super outgoing and flirty with guys (whom she has no interest in) so there was no way he was going to back off. I just laid low and climbed with other people. I told Tasha what Jamie said but she did not seem to get it. She was like 'Really? I don't find him creepy!' She says she is clueless with this stuff. Hmmmm.

Now I am in the foulest mood. For me climbing is meaningful and I take the environment very seriously. I love meeting new people there and almost all of them are great - very passionate about climbing and very helpful and community-oriented.

That guy was so effing out of line that it isn't even funny. He won't see Tasha there often but he will see me and I will seriously tell him to beat it, if I choose to acknowledge him at all.

You may have noticed that this has struck a nerve with me. At bars and such growing up I was always the one guys approached to say: "Your friend is really hot" or "Hey is your friend single?" Actually, she's fuck right off.

I know, I know. Serious pity party here. Boo hoo. Fine I say. I get it. I'm fine with it and frankly, bars are places where this sort of bullshit is expected, and (arguably) should at least be tolerated. However, when I'm there, climbing with my friend, doing something that is challenging and scary and powerful, I don't need it. I don't want one teeny reminder of the day when I sat back in fatbody and just knew that some guy talking to me wasn't really interested in me or anything I had to say.

So thanks for reading my rant. I've already spoken to Tasha about it so I think we're good going forward. Look out creepers. Seriously look out.

i effing finished it

2007-12-12T21:17:00.000-08:00

Yay i finished it and went climbin'!

Woo hoo! Good times to come everybody!

Climbing was exciting. I jumped for one tonight - called a dyno. Harry called it a dynah - the female version. I called it a dynette because my jump was so small normal humans would not have detected it.

It is time to step it up. Get ready. Seriously. This is gonna be good.

5 interesting things from today or so

2007-12-11T20:29:00.000-08:00

5 interesting things from today or so

1. Got a Christmas card from Barbara who was my 82 year old neighbour when I moved to Novato, CA. I remember I was worried the first time we went out together that she would fall or get tired or something... a few months later we were walking several hundred windy winding stairs to the Point Reyes Lighthouse. Turned out she was my old person role model - physically, intellectually, emotionally, she's just cool. Now she lives in Santa Rosa at a Quaker retirement home called Friends House.

2. Reading a book called 'Surely You're Joking Mr. Feynman'. If you don't know about this guy you've got to find out. He is brilliant and eccentric - he won the Nobel Prize in physics, worked on the atomic bomb, was one of the world's greatest theoretical physicists and 'thrived on outrageous, 'eye-brow raising' adventures. Very artsy creative too. I love people who combine social and intellectual intelligence.

3. My blog now comes up in google searches. Try searching for it using "monkeybrain meat suit".

4. I have nearly finished my big ass paper for my Organizational Democracy course. This is exciting because it means I can do other things I like, such as: climbing, running around the track at the U of T athletic centre, Christmas shopping, Clothing Show (this weekend! woowoo), Christmas partaying (this weekend! woowoo), laundray (poopoo)

5. Okay I can't resist one climbing update. Today I smeared when I did not think I could (grips too small) and I totally got past a tough spot. It was great!

Goodnight lovelies.

xoxox

a few minutes

2007-12-07T23:11:00.000-08:00

of honesty. so I just got back from the holiday partay and it was fun. I am now officially drunk and I have found another party. Having called a cab and waiting for an undetermined (ie cab company could not estimate) time I decided to fill the time with honesty.

Sadly I am not drunk enough for honesty.

Everything I could come up with that is rock bottom honest would be against my best interest to articulate. I think that is why people lie and why people don't usually go about their day drunk.

I hear a car. Please be my cabby.

So people got way more drunk than me tonight.

I loved jon bon. There were some cougars at the concert in front of H, S and I. So funny. Then I looked around and saw a sea of white women. Most of them looked like hicks. Oh well I let the thought go that I didn't belong and didn't want it want him as much as those cougars singin' along and looking trashy. Then I thought of work and how I did not want to miss the speeches. And then I thought of Harry because I always do and I left him a singing message. Livin' on a Prayer. Yes. No more honesty here.

Then back to the party and all anyone asked was 'how was bon jovi???' and I got sick of it. I was back and I wanted to know what I had missed.

Then I danced and got territorial even though I have no territory.

Then I found this other party where I will likely get myself so drunk and tired that I do no productive work on my paper tomorrow. I am freakin' freezing because my window is open because of fumes. I loved bon jovi because I love crowds and being part of something so big where I am nothing. so small and observing from a view so big. thinking about the humans and how cool they are.

goodnight. i will call the cab and tell them lateness could breed too much honesty and we need to get rolling. my room is freezing and fume-y and if I had I good bed I bet I would stay.

xox

Up and coming

2007-12-06T20:34:00.000-08:00

1. Bon Jovi - tomorrow night!
2. Northwater Holiday Partay at the Carlu - tomorrow night!
3. Afterpartay - Rob's place - tomorrow night!
3. Daniel and Terri's Hanukkah partay on Sunday. Maybe I'll meet a cute Jewish boy with lovely brown curls under his kippah.
4. Finishing my paper - this weekend! I freakin' hope I do finish it. Due on Thursday but enough is enough.

Today was my last class for Organizational Democracy. Loved it. Our group did really well on the presentation tonight too. Very satisfying to have payoff for marginally trying group work.

Wow. This masters thing is going to take some serious blood, sweat and tears. I am 1/10 of the way finished!

bye xoxo

d

Got stuff lost stuff

2007-12-04T17:55:00.000-08:00

Got:
1) New glasses - think purple and brown. plastic. larger. rounder. They look better than their description.
2) A mini haircut removing back (hockey hair) and shortening the bangs. Must look good for Jon Bon on Friday.

Lost:
1) My climbing harness
2) My chalk bag
3) My 30th birthday Tiffany's letter 'd' necklace. It was in the little pocket of my chalk bag where I kept it while climbing.

Hope is not lost but I already checked the climbing gym lost and found with no good news to report. Jamie says stealing a harness is bad karma. I am sorta dead inside right now so I don't care much either way.

Goin' climbing tonight so maybe I'll rent me a harness or steal Harry's since he copied me and bought the same one.

Cya.

D

Nowhere like nowhere

2007-12-03T17:57:00.000-08:00

Working away on my paper at work I was thinking about why I don't want to go home. With two great roommates and a very nice pad in the Annex, what gives? I never really hang there and haven't even sat on our living room couch long enough to watch a movie. Ever I think. It is 9 pm and I'm seriously thinking of rushing home so I can rush out again to the gym and run around the track. And I'm freakin' tired too. Theories:

1) Comings and goings - with two roommates and their two boyfriends (only one each) there is always an arrival or departure. Our princess pad is fun but not what I would call tranquil.
2) Cold - I have a huge window and it gets pretty drafty in there. I have a little heater that makes it warm as toast but it takes time. Coupled with the hardwood floor, I just don't find it cozy in winter. More of a summer space.
3) Crappy bed - So back when I quit my job at GE I became a nomad and minimalist. I scavenged a futon from this jerk before he left the country. Then this other jerk screwed around it in with this other other jerk and I decided to replace the futon mattress part. At the time I thought it would serve as an infrequently used couch and it somehow turned out to be my permanent bed. It is thin, uncomfortable, studenty and carries negative connotations. Why don't I replace it? There exists a complicated list of reasons which shall not be the topic of this blog entry.
4) Impermanence - The Dalai Lama told a story of his monk friend getting depressed over his meditation on impermanence. It is a bit of a bummer. Being in a rented place with two roommates just screams temporary. I never fully nest there. Hence I never really work at creating the environment to come home to.
5) Pushing, pushing, pushing - I pressure myself a lot. Work, school, exercise - I have so many goals that have lost my nap-reflex and even had to completely abandon my 10 pm bedtime! I seriously do not quit and relaxing is tough when my mind is buzzing with things to do. I can't sit quiet with myself.

Ultimately there is a psychological safety, comfort and grounding that my home lacks for me. I now extend this statement to my life. Ultimately there is a psychological safety, comfort and grounding that is missing in my life. In this exact moment I am sitting in the dark at the top of a tower looking out on a muted city that appears never-ending. In this exact moment I feel utterly alone.

Warm inside on a snowy winter day

2007-12-02T16:49:00.000-08:00

I feel like a scholar today. After over 20 hours of research and academic adventuring online this weekend I feel like I have grown my perspective. I am writing a research paper on the extent to which online collaboration tools (wikis, blogs, discussion groups etc.) facilitate organizational democracy and impact organizational power structures. These are the things I am learning about:

- Communities of Practice
- Computer Supported Collaboration
- Computer Supported Cooperative Work
- Discussion Groups
- Enterprise 2.0
- Knowledge Management
- Knowledge Workers
- KPIs (Key Performance Indicators)
- Masturbation (just checking if you're paying attention!)
- Microsoft Office SharePoint Server 2007
- Power
- Virtual Communities of Practice
- Web 2.0
- Weblogs
- Wikis
- Workflows

Anyway if you're wondering what I'm up to, this is life after October.

D

Running to Run Faster

2007-11-28T18:58:00.000-08:00

Today I figured out one way that actually works for uploading pictures using my new Mac. Things are different than I am used to. I randomly chose a picture and it turned out to be the Prosecco that kicked off my awesome visit to New York where I cheered on Gillian in the NYC Marathon at the beginning of November. I decided to leave the Processo because it makes me happy.

Just got back from the U of T Athletic Centre where I am exercising when not climbing. I like to run around their track and look silly. I found this fun assisted chin up machine there today which will help me get strong for climbing. I love to do chin-ups and pull-ups and even though not recommended, I still can't resist the ol' push-ups now and again! (Don't tell Audrey!)

Work is really busy but good. The honeymoon is still not over and it has been almost a year and a half. My longest relationship in a while!

Our princess pad on Markham is great. Avital, Andrea and I get along famously and we really enjoy the space. We'll need to plan a game night or partay for the new year.

School is busy - two assignments due - one on Dec 6th and one on Dec 13th. This is my first Masters course so I want to nail it. I haven't written an academic paper in 10 yrs or more so it is not coming so easy. I loved the course and teacher. Very stoked about the M.Ed. program on the whole.

Bracing myself for winter and refusing to be cold or timid with the outdoors this year. The post-Hallowe'en melancholy seems to be lifting but I feel like I'm entering a quiet period of focus. Study. Work. Run. Climb. Peck about it on the computer once in a while.

:)

D

".....Really?"

2007-11-21T20:32:00.000-08:00

OK first of all this is all my fault for having really high expectations.

Dirty Dancing.

What can I even say about what I just saw? Did it have its moments? Yes. Overall did it get me there? Oh sweet Jesus - no.

Johnny Castle looked like a caricature of a prince from a Disney cartoon movie. Baby delivered every line in melodic perky-woman-in-a musical voice. She was comic relief and by the time their sex scene came along, people were laughing when they were not supposed to. She seemed so young and asexual that when Johnny decided to bed her, it just seemed so wrong, like in a pedophilia way.

Moving on, there were crazy elements added to the plot. One comment about Neil going freedom riding was blown into this huge social commentary on equal rights for black people. There was even a song about it and a HUGE image of Martin Luther King's face projected onto the backdrop! That was when Heather landed my favourite line: ".....Really?"

The dialogue they added was absolute nonsense. Random conversations, one involved multiple mentions of a cheese sandwich. Even during the finale, the I've-had-the-time-of-my-life bit, Baby and Johnny had this cheezy conversation about not lettin' the man beat you down. It was at that point that I delivered Heather's favourite line: "Shhhhh....don't talk."

Anyway, if you see it be prepared to laugh and cry and gnash your teeth... and not at the parts you expect! The set and effects were phenomenal and there were some amazing vocals. Many of the dance scenes were true to the last step which was fun to watch in person. The finale was buoyed by everyone's nostalgia and love for the original. Our cheers for 'nobody puts Baby in the corner' were heartfelt.

All and all, lots of fun for a Wednesday night! Makes you want to pop in Dirty, cozy up with some snacks and just let it all happen all over again!

Goodnight.

D

Dirty Dancing

2007-11-21T04:45:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling better today, although my stinky mood persisted throughout the day yesterday at work. Not only was I unproductive but I think I made others so as well! Of course the thing that brightened me up was climbing.

I went with a new climbing friend Marwan. He is taking a Master of Pyschology at York. I thought maybe he wouldn't let me down until my brain had developed new neural pathways to solve whatever problem I was facing. Luckily not! He was awesome and we climbed from 7:30 pm to 11 pm. He is new but has incredible natural ability, strength and the perfect climbers body. New arch nemesis?

Tonight is my night to be nostalgic. I remember the first time I saw Dirty was at a sleepover in grade 7 or 8. We literally stayed up all night watching it over and over and over! Isn't that perfect?

November

2007-11-20T05:06:00.000-08:00

Well I'm back from NYC and it turns out that the trip only prolonged but did not eliminate the crash and post-October depression that was predicted.

Things pretty much suck ass. If I am not working, studying or climbing then I am bodysnatched and you should call the police. If you are a man then you have likely behaved like a jackass recently or will do soon. I'll be either working, studying or climbing so I won't know or care. If you are a woman, then you will be happy to know that I am going to see Dirty Dancing tomorrow!

"Most of all I'm afraid of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life...the way I feel when I'm with you."

(lusty pause and let it land time)

"Dance with me?"

Now I missed the garbage truck and I have two minutes to be dressed and out of the house and I'm in mismatched bra and underwear and I can't get the pictures to work on this freakin' Mac and I hate everyone.

Hallowe'en Debauchery 2007

2007-10-31T18:16:00.001-07:00

Happy Hallowe'en All! (two of you!)

Hallowe'en this year took the cake. Harry and I hosted our 3rd annual partay on Friday, October 26th and it seriously rocked. Pure fun and a shooter luge!

Click here to view all the pics on Flickr.
The Maria Von Trapp costume was a success! I managed all 4 costume changes although #4, the 'naughty-nun cherry-popped honeymoon Maria' costume took on a form I did not anticipate. I ended up in fishnets, corset, black leather boots, black and white dress, white sash binding my hands behind my back... and the final touch, not a nun's habit but a cow bonnet! Nice improvisation!
Luckily I have a trip to NYC Nov 1st to 6th so I won't suffer the post party blahs like usual. The weather is supposed to be incredible!

xox

d

Preparations underway...

2007-10-24T20:50:00.000-07:00

So the Hallowe'en Partay committee (Harry, D, Andrea, Elizabeth, Mary, Mike, Fiona) hauled over all the pumpkins, supplies etc. and decorated up a storm for Friday's Hallowe'en party at Harry's place.

YAY! This is the most prepared we have ever been. Here are some of the highlights:

Decor and Party features:
- Huge shooter luge where shooters travel down a winding ice track into the mouths of partygoers
- 2 gigantic ceiling spiders with tiny spiders (bay-bays!!!) and webbing draped all over
- Scary hands coming out of the oven
- Sensor witches and skeletons and
- Over 12 pumpkins - some of them are (get this) ... white!!! Have you ever seen a white pumpkin before? Very cool but harder to carve.

D's Costume:
- So I've got almost everything for all 4 costumes in my homage to Julie Andrews as Maria Von Trapp. The postulant, the fralein, the bride, the popped cherry... all coming along very well. The most impressive is the postulant which is a very accurate costume. I found a sheet that looks exactly like the apron she wears and am paying $40 to have it sown into shape!
- I have carved 7 pumpkins as the 7 Von Trapp children. You will see pictures but I can't help telling you the funniest thing: Liesl's mouth is carved into a big 'O' like the o-face on the blow up doll that men like to penetrate. I'm going to put red lipstick on her too! :) Also I used curtains almost exactly like the movie to make 'playclothes' for the children.

Stay tuned...

scary d

Post Climbing Euphoria

2007-10-22T20:25:00.000-07:00

I am in post climbing euphoria. Like a star I want to explode with how much I love climbing.

My Hallowe'en Costume

2007-10-20T20:03:00.000-07:00

I am so freakin' stoked for Hallowe'en this year. I have two parties: One that Harry and I are hosting on Friday night and one that my friend (and equivalent Hallowe'en enthusiast) Tasha is having on Saturday night.

Clearly I can't have the same costume for both parties so here's what I'm thinking:

1) Friday Partay: Maria Von Trapp (Julie Andrews inspired) from The Sound of Music reflected in four different costume changes:

i) Postulant
ii) Fraulein
iii) Bride of Captain Von Trapp
iv)Naughty nun honeymoon Maria (How do you a solve a problem like Maria? There are ways... ;) ... ) I think it would be funny if she was wearing her huge nighty as she did throughout the movie but I will likely take this one to the dark side a bit more... Still TBD if I will feel too guilty hooching up Maria.

PLUS seven Von Trapp child pumpkins! I even have the curtains to make their 'play clothes'!

These photos plus a great plot summary are found here if you need the Coles Notes. The image credits are here.

2) Saturday Partay: Trinity from the Matrix. Hot! I did this one year but there were only a few people who got to enjoy it so I'm bringing sexy back.

Stay tuned for prep stories and pics...

sparkly d

Holiday in Bohemia Part Two

2007-10-18T03:12:00.000-07:00

so where did we leave off?

Mic's bathroom was flooding, I joined the rest of the unwashed on the subway... and I was off to visit Gillian in her new Bachelorette Pad: Loft Edition (BP:LE) which she shares with three others.
It was only about 15 mins to get from Mic's to Gillian's. So easy. When I got off the subway I was in a very loud area with lots of trains, bridges and underpasses... I milled about wondering where to go for a while. Incidentally, I was also wondering if taking a pee on the street would be neighborhood appropriate because I had to go so bad. I called Garth to get help with directions and he directed me. The first thing I saw was an interesting concrete park. See the green painted grass?

It wasn't long before I found Gillian who, to my pleasure and envy, has attained hotbody through marathon training. She has a specific category of hotbody: hotlegs!!! I need to run a marathon to get these legs. Check them out.

Stepping into Gillian's loft was quite a contrast from Mic's tiny East Village apartment. It was a huge 3000 square foot loft! Gillian lives with a photographer, a painter and a musician (Anna, Leigha, Daniel) I spent about 30 minutes walking around in complete awe of their cool pad.

Luckily Gilly was up for an adventure. The Prosecco began to flow so the adventure started in her living room (well the couch part of the one gigantic room). Gillian's friend Chad was in town. He looks such a lot like Colin Firth that after about 1.5 glasses of Prosecco, I started calling him Colin. It was quite rude, yes, but don't you think he looks exactly like a younger Colin? He really does. (Chad + Prosecco = Colin)

After drinking and talking with Colin and Gilly's roomies we all went out to dinner at Superfine. I had a steak dinner and Colin and I were partners at pool. I think I was drunk at Superfine because I have vague memories of a small child buzzing around our pool game...but who knows? After the superfine food (it was really good!) we visited a studio for an exciting private viewing of Leigha's paintings. Leigha is the woman on the right in the picture.

The next leg of our adventure (with some prompting and pleading from a certain Canadian visitor who loves sing-alongs) was a sing-along at this park which has views of the Manhattan bridge and the Brooklyn bridge. Daniel brought his guitar and Gillian and I brought mugs of sparkling wine. (Adventure = drunk) Check out some pictures of the antics. (Antics = sitting on the grass)

After that we went out to a dance club called Rebar. As you can see I was dressed for success and spent the time that I was not dancing (ie the whole time) chatting with a cute bartender. For me, the highlight of this leg of the adventure was being told by a young black man with dreads that I looked like Ellen DeGeneres. Let's face it. He was really, really right. I still felt like I needed a comeback so I said 'yah well you look like Milli Vanilli.' I (like Ellen DeGeneres) have been blessed with the quickwit and usually find myself making a joke or comeback before I even consciously think the thought of it. Well the timing was excellent but it is not until this very moment that I realize how much he DID look like Milli Vanilli (either guy really because of the hair and skin tone). Good one!

We closed the place, went for snacks at Peas and Pickles, witnessed a store clerk hit a complaining patron in the mouth and headed home to the BP:LE.

The next afternoon I was back in Toronto with my head just full of ideas about film and the arts and community development. I was really inspired by the holiday. (Inspired = want to quit my job) Anyway, that was holiday in Bohemia. Thanks to all who made it possible.

My next adventure in NYC is Nov 1-6th when I will cheer Gillian on at the NYC Marathon and enjoy New York with Shirley, my friend and Gillian and Garth's mum.

Things I'm looking forward to in this next visit:

1) Seeing Gillian's hotbody legs in action at the marathon and cheering people on. I really love marathons. The energy is incredible.

2) Bonding with Shirley. Shirley was the 'designated mom' who dropped off and picked up Garth and I at Oktoberfest. The pickup was hilar because everyone was drunk outside Concordia club and they all started cheering 'Mom!!!' and Shirley got out of her red convertible so someone could take a picture. The police told her to move along. THEN didn't we take the cake?! Shirley, Garth and I went through the Taco Bell drive through!

3) Seeing Odd Todd in Brooklyn. I've tried twice already and he has blown me off but I can't give up because it is on my list to find him and his dog Roscoe.

4) Going to a museum with Chetan (previous Northwater coworker) - either the Museum of Natural History or the Guggenheim. TBD.

5) Seeing Mic again. We are doing so well with the visits. She is a consultant so she can fly to Toronto easily for free. We've got a plan for that in the hopper too. I'm hoping we can have a painting party with Anthony too. This was something we ran out of time for last visit...

Stay tuned for an update after my next trip to NYC... In the meantime, it's time for Hallowe'en!

Immortality

2007-10-16T05:02:00.000-07:00

So everybody likes a good partay game, non? Well I have the stuff. The crack cocaine of partay games. I discovered Mafia in San Francisco when I worked for GE several years ago. My crowd got addicted to the point that we would reserve a conference room at 4 pm and find ourselves still there hours after work!

Once you play it, it kinda makes you crazy. I remember I was once forcibly shoved against a piece of cubicle by my friend and mafia nemesis, Laurie. She now denies the ultraviolence. She was mad because she had to choose to believe me or some other sucka. She chose me and of course I was a member of the pirate mafia (I just threw in pirate because I'm into the piratia lately!) I took over the town and won the game!!! (Glory days alert)

Anyway, check out what I got from a past colleague in Oakville (thanks Facebook!):

Hi Denise...you'll be happy to know that your legacy at GE lives on. On our
last offsite management meeting, all we did was play Mafia. There was 9 of
us on
the trip, we were in Montreal, the city was at our disposal and we
just looked
for a watering hole that didn't mind the noise and would let us
play until the
wee hours. We're addicted!!

I worked as a Finance manager with these cats three years ago! This...this is the type of lasting change I facilitate in my corporate career. Please remind me when I get down about not making enough of an impact, k?
Have a great day everyone!
xo

d

Holiday in Bohemia

2007-10-09T20:16:00.000-07:00

To celebrate Thanksgiving, I headed to New York City... centre of the universe! The theme of the weekend: Creativity! Photography, film, poetry, music, painting, and of course, Fluevog.
My trip allowed visits to two friends: Mic in the East Village and Gillian in Brooklyn (formerly Park Slope, recently relocated to DUMBO) I was there October 5th - 8th but the weather was what you'd expect on the hottest weekend of August. Mic still managed to shop like a trooper but I was put off buying sweaters!

The weekend was so much fun, I must give the play-by-play!

Friday I flew in and took a cab to Mic's place in the East Village. I buzzed and upon entry began to carry my bags up the stairs to the fourth floor. Immediately, I heard a huge racket of running and stomping, stomping and running. I thought it must be kids playing upstairs. Still, a small part of my brain played out an 'imagine if' (does anyone have a brain that generates scenarios ranging from marginally to completely unlikely several hundred times per day?) and I imagined: "What if that stampede is actually Mic running down cuz she's so excited to see me?!?" Well believe it or not... (and this never happens with imagine ifs)... it was! In seconds Mic and her roommate Anthony were there whisking my bags away from me and carrying them up, up, up. I can't say why this sticks out so much but I guess I just felt welcomed. This hospitality was to set the tone for my whole visit.

Mic and I has some Prosecco (drink of the weekend) and I got meet Anthony and his brother Paul. Now these were two bantertastic high brows brothers of the highest order of funny and I was immediately relishing the richness and colour of the conversation. Mic and I decided to mission out in the East Village. Since the theme was Bohemia, we started out at the Bowery Poetry Club. Since it was Friday night, there was no poetry, only a dj spinning some sounds with video in the background. Very cool but we could not hear our own conversation very well so we moved on. Next we tried to find the Korova Milk Bar, inspired by A Clockwork Orange. Sadly, it had been relocated to White Plains, NY! Dammit! I had my heart set on a little of the ol' in-out in-out along with some ultraviolence! Instead, we went to KGB Bar, which was a lot of fun. Still, the conversation in Mic's own apartment clearly stole the thunder...

Saturday morning, Mic and I got up and went shopping in SoHo. I bought two new pairs of Fluevogs, in the spirit of artistic expression. Seriously, these things make me happy, happy, happy. Mic is always a healthy shopper. She bought a dress, a sweater, some lingerie, a green purse, some cards... I am apparently a good catalyst for her in shopping situations!

At 3 pm we headed back to the apartment to help out Anthony, and his business partner Martha with a segment for their way cool project: The Greatest Living Writers Project. They film poets performing their works and then provide the video to schools so students get exposure to a broad range of spoken word. The poet they filmed was Nikki Batin. The filming was done on the rooftop of Mic and Anthony's building and I even got to help with lighting and one of the cameras. Nikki's work was amazing. It really resonated with me (many of us I suspect) as one of her themes is body image. After the filming, we ate and drank with Nikki and her partner Brooks in the surreal pink light of sunset. As far as moments of appreciation, this was way up there. I felt happy, thankful, and inspired.

Back in the apartment, after the guests had left, Mic, Anthony and I had a groove session including a keyboard (Mic and D), a guitar (Anthony) and a harmonica (Anthony again). That Anthony... so full of tricks! I became addicted to the keyboard and really started to find my groove. Next time I will heighten and explore ;) Mic and I went out to a bar in the West Village called the Ear Inn and met up with some of her friends from North Dakota.

Sunday morning (hungover, second night in a row!) Mic and I headed out to brunch (NoLita Cafe? To be confirmed) and by 'brunch' I mean a huge burger, fries, 3 coffees and 2 sangrias! Mic and I were giggly since we had not slept much and were weak. Then we walked around and did some window shopping but our anticipation of a shower got us back to the apartment quickly. Sadly, no shower was forthcoming. While we were out, a toilet above had continuously overflowed and was leaking water all over Mic's bathroom including the window sill, toilet and part of the shower. Not only were we not taking a shower, we couldn't even pee!

This was when one of my favourite Mic traits emerged... (and there are many!) Mic just took the whole leak thing in stride. She called Anthony, called the super and then... just chilled. I honestly don't remember her dropping an f-bomb or anything! She is so freakin' cool like that.

Unshowered, full-bladder be damned, I was packed and on my way to visit Gilly in Brooklyn...

Stay tuned for holiday in bohemia part two...

xox d

suddenly she got busy

2007-10-02T18:19:00.000-07:00

OK guppies. You are circling hungry and won't take your freaky unclosable fisheye off me so here here, a pinch of food.

Suddenly she got busy. You'll have to fill in the details using your imagination.

YAY - Pie fight with crazy artists... I am finally bohemian.

BOO - Egocide (termed by Mike) committed while climbing with Darren-Bodhi and some other more experienced climbers. Horrible horrible display of ineptitude followed by two day pity party. Theme: It isn't easy being athletically pathetic.

YAY - Attended first class for first course for M.Ed. "Organizational Democracy" (Does this make you laugh? For me sometimes yes.) Course and prof seem very interesting. Classmates? Sketchy. I don't trust them. All facial ticks and goiters and such. Just kidding.

YAY - Got a trainer named Dan. (Dan's kinda pudgy which is not jiving with my GI Jane bit. Lord love that Master Chief.) But Dan comes highly recommended by Neil, the most fit guy at Northwater. We've met twice and set some goals. I'll share them another day - there are some funny ones. Dan will come climbing on Tuesday the 9th and make me a monkey with just the right program. So although I will be training to complete a one-armed push-up, I will more importantly be training to climb better. And get hotbody.

BOO!!!! - Hallowe'en approaching. Very excited! Harry and I on Friday the 26th and a rager on Brunswick St. hosted by Tasha on Saturday. She has already given out blood spattered invitations with a Thriller theme.

YAY - Andrea moved in on the weekend! She is the newest and Slovakest princess in the princess pad. If you haven't been by, we are three, living on Markham St. in the Annex: Andrea, Avital, and me, D. Andrea is my friend from Northwater and Avital is my friend from Wellness School. (It wasn't really called that but it makes it funnier, no?)

YAY - Melanie served up a delicious annual dinner (I think fifth annual) and Heather, Shawna, Mel and I had a wonderful, giggly evening.

YAY - Clothing Show! Got some great stuff as always.

YAY - Avital participated in some edgy performance art at Nuit Blanche, the second annual all night art bonanza in Toronto. Heather, Shawna, Melanie and I watched her show but in spite of shots of Rockstar we couldn't stay up all night!

OK this is all I have time for guppies. Please point your freaky fisheye elsewhere!

The best day ever

2007-09-22T20:32:00.000-07:00

What a great day! Sure, Saturdays are almost always good but today, TODAY was outstanding:

7:30 am - Anne arrives and helps me to create and even start implementing my financial plan. I have been procrastinating on this for years! Finally, I'm almost sorted thanks to Anne's most excellent help.

9:30 am - We take a break to do brunch at Grapefruit Moon. I tried a new dish - Huevos Rancheros...yum! My friend Julia was working - another perk.

11 am - Back to the plan says Anne. I received my action items and after Anne left, I headed to the CIBC to sort out more bleh banking stuff on my quest to have my investments in order.

Insert enjoyable miscellany - goofing off on computer, chatting with Avital (I got a sneak peak at the act she is preparing for Nuit Blanche), laundry and bed-making, such et such.

3:30 pm - Meet Garth at the Wheat Sheaf for a nice afternoon beverage.

4 pm - Climbing with Tasha. OK this is actually a post about a freakin' awesome climbing day disguised as a post about lots of things. So today I redid the bitchy purple 5.7 to see if was easier. It was actually still hard, but I made it. Tasha did too - and that was her big goal for today. Yay Tasha! Then there was a yellow 5.9 just beside it with very small grips. I decided to try it out, never thinking it was in the realm of the doable for today, and woo hoo I made to the top! This is not to say I was very graceful... but damn I made it! (Climbing difficulty ranges from 5.4 to 5.12 at my gym so 5.9 is getting there) Incidentally, both the 5.7 and the 5.9 I did today were climbs that Harry could not finish last week. I know it won't last long since Harry is just starting out, but I'm still savouring it for a moment right now! FYI I have wounded a muscle in my ass but I'm sure I will survive!

7 pm - Meet Daniel and Terri to go to Jewish New Year dinner at Daniel's parents', Alan and Jinks. I did not fast today (since I was climbing) but I think I will next year. I want to experience that moment of food and drink after the fast. I met even more of Daniel's family and enjoyed a delicious 'fast break' after sun down. (sidenote: Is this where the word 'breakfast' comes from? You are techinically breaking a fast from the night I suppose.) There were unending sweet and savoury dishes including babka - my favourite dessert of the evening, and herring in sour cream which I really enjoyed. I also tried fresh figs for the first time and loved them. Daniel's family and family friends were all so friendly and interesting, and what a small world - a woman from my office arrived for the celebration! Shana Tova!

12 pm - Arrive home and finish this very blog update. I also checked Facebook and realized I've been invited to a Pie Throwing party tomorrow at 5 pm! Crazy! How can I resist?

12:15 pm - Fall asleep while trying to finish a chapter of 'The Glass Castle' by Jeannette Walls.

Goodnight. If my dreams are good I will blog them tomorrow. ;) If you frowned upon my flip-flop between present and past tense, just know it was intentional and likely won't be repeated.

The most wonderful time of the year

2007-09-21T18:22:00.000-07:00

I am seriously getting a racing heart from excitement over the coming festivities. Here are some of the pics that got me going. This was the first annual Hallowe'en partay Harry and I co-hosted back in 2005. If you:

Reside in another city, especially a far one

Are off traveling to gain worldly experiences

Are antisocial

Don't like either me or Harry

Have done something to make either me or Harry not like you

Then you will be sorely missing out! Last year we had a fire thrower performer guy and this year it gets even better. Some of our decor from last year was so cool that Harry left it up all year! Our partay is Friday, October 26th for all who can attend...

Sidenote: The name of the sheep in Harry's costume was Princess. She took a lot of abuse that night. In fact let's just say she did not make to Hallowe'en 2006. We imagined taking her back to the store and trying to return her by saying "You sold us a bleeder!"

Good Climbs

2007-09-20T19:10:00.000-07:00

OK so I'm really sorry but all I want to say anything about is climbing! I choose not to order my thoughts and I choose to use bullet points.

I climbed yesterday with Harry and Darren (Bodhi) too. Followed up today with Tasha. Twice in a row although very taxing has been VERY fruitful in terms of improvements.
Arggh. Too much to say. Too tired to type.
Major breakthroughs: I'm climbing 5.7s now and can make it up the 60 foot climbs (These are pretty freakin' long climbs. Sweaty.) I made it up the first one yesterday with Harry - yay!
There's this one purple bitch of a climb with really bitchy little grips. Tasha and I feel that it is the hardest 5.7. Yesterday in front of Darren I toiled pathetically. It was poor. I trash talked myself a lot: Denise get your freakin' right leg up and STAND! You are in front of Darren and Harry!! Fucking do it. DO IT now. STAND! But I couldn't do it yesterday. Today Tasha tried it and she could not do it yet. THEN! Then I tried it again tonight and YAAAAYYY... I did it! I stood. Quite easily too. And I felt it in my ass and legs. (This is a good sign.)
After the above I did a 60 foot 5.7 - faster than ever with far less resting/thinking. (I'm a big rester/thinker usually.)
Darren is the perfect Bodhi. I love his climbing. He has such grace and flow. You have to see Darren climb. :)
Every time I go I make new friends. They are really nice people, these climber people. Soon I'll have a posse to climb with every night if I wish. And I could see it going that way. Addiction alert. Today I was fantasizing about not having a job and how much fun it would be to climb every day.
I'm so getting hot body. Look out.
The guys who work there are kinda too cool, y'know? But tonight Daniel (my original instructor) was super nice to me. He said anytime I come he will belay me. Can you believe it? Even Jamie aka 'king of the assholes' is nicer. I think since I brought Harry. He was impressed with that Harry. Hmmmph.
This is the first time I've been into something physical. I always had to drag myself to the gym. With climbing I think about it and get excited!!
I'm changing!!!

Dirty Pirate Talk...

2007-09-19T21:27:00.000-07:00

So today is officially Talk Like A Pirate Day! Since it is after hours, I thought this would be a good time to school you on some little known pirate terms that I found on the ol' urban dictionary...

Pirate Fuck or similarly Pirate Eye
Skullfuck

LOL!!!!

OK I'm too tired to go to sleep right now and posting this sort of crap seems like a great idea. I laughed quite hard at the example sentence for 'Skullfuck'.

I'm really into pirates lately. Pirates and stars!!!

D

Tasha Rocks

2007-09-16T06:25:00.000-07:00

I went climbing with my new friend Tasha yesterday. She freakin' rocks as a climbing partner. I realized that for me at least, the belayer affects the climber's climb. She was helpful, motivating, funny... and I knew that whenever I made a monkey move she was watching so she would immediately tighten me up. (I like a tight belay.) Then the ride down was slow and smooth. I could tell that she was treating my life as a precious commodity.

Mary (first ever climbing buddy) is a great like this too. Did you know she would get a sore hand from holding on so tightly to the lifeline? She has been on vacation and sick so we haven't climbed in a few weeks. She will be astounded with my progress for real.

Now I've gotten to the top of several 5.7s and have gained so much confidence and agility. My climbing speed is probably the most noteworthy improvement - I used to deliberate ad nauseum and could not prompt myself forward if I didn't know what I was getting into. ie I was afraid to reach for something unknown, afraid to stand in a space where both hands and both feet were not securely gripping or planted. Now I just freakin' stand up and if it turns out there is nothing good to grab, I sit back down... but in a higher space.

I'm sure there are lessons for life here but I'm opting for brunch with Daniel.

D

PS Please stop what you are doing and come climbing with me. I am addicted and need to share my addiction with YOU.

TIFF comes to a close

2007-09-16T05:16:00.000-07:00

TIFF is finished for another year. I'm really happy with this year's experience and Heather is largely to thank. She has exceptional RAM and I joked recently: Others have IMDB, I have Heather! We were both happy with the selection of movies: The only one we weren't too jazzed about was The Stone Angel.

Below is my rack-and-stack: The first two were clear favourites. The seventh was the clear loser. All the others were really enjoyable and it was hard to rack-and-stack them. How do you compare a foreign hermaphrodite movie with an exciting cars-exploding law firm drama? I would recommend that you watch 1 through 7 when you get the chance.

For specific plot summaries, see my links here. Below are just thoughts and ramblings...

1. Rendition - Great film that was hard to watch (as it should be given the subject matter). This gets number 1 because it will raise social consciousness and may make a difference to something important. It is this potential that makes film truly exciting for me.

2. Juno - So freakin' clever. The writing was amazing and the laughs felt as natural as breathing while watching this movie. Great music too. See this!!! I will say that the writing was a bit Dawson's Creek. You know, where the characters, although teenagers or nail technicians, are somehow more clever and emotionally intelligent than you or anyone you know... Well I loved Dawson's Creek. Again - see this!!

3. The Jane Austen Book Club - Girl movie of the year! This film really hits the spot emotionally. Whoever wrote it gets it when it comes to what motivates people and how real life happens. Given the plot, it could have been so horribly bad, but the writing, acting and directing made it work. I empathized with characters - wounder and woundee alike!

4. Breakfast with Scot - Pretty much ties with number 3. Great premise and characters. Funny and touching. Breaks downs barriers on several different fronts.

5. XXY - Foreign hermaphrodite movie. The heroine was powerful - owning the seaside in her rubber boots. In some scenes, the dialogue left us missing something. Plot or character development issues. Ie if someone is depicted as an asshole but you have never seem him do anything asshole-like, and then later he does something REALLY assholey... the audience can get confused.

6. Michael Clayton - George Clooney clooning. He is the hero. He avoids the car bombs. He uncovers the stuff the bad guys are covering. The main female character's humanity (weakness, insecurity, inexperience) is fully revealed while the hero, although facing several personal challenges cloons on behind an emotional veil. Still very good. I love when people take a stand. The audience loved this too - we all cheered at certain times. Coolio when a film gets you fired up.

7. Then She Found Me - Colin Firth was supercute and the years have not been kind to Helen Hunt. (So damn unfair!) Again, this movie was reality based which I loved. Whoever wrote it understood the imperfection of the humans. Several plot turns had the audience shocked and dismayed while I thought to myself - Are you all REALLY shocked? This is how life is when you're not in a movie. Not for the faint of heart. I ranked it low and I don't know why. It was a tempo issue. Like I couldn't pick up the beat or something. In this case the plot and writing were great so I blame the directing ...

8. The Stone Angel - Bleh. Two people who saw this said how the main character is not very likeable. Good acting but with a huge tempo issue. It just didn't pull me in on any front. Flat as the Canadian prairies of Margaret Laurence's storytelling.

So there you have it. This September has been such a sparkler for me. I know September is built to be amazing but this year has been over the top. October promises to be equally exciting! Stay tuned.

@work

2007-09-14T17:58:00.000-07:00

I work at Northwater - a privately owned Canadian investment management firm of about 100 people. We are located on the top (47th Floor) of the Bay-Wellington tower of Brookfield Place (formerly BCE Place).

It gets quiet up here at 8:59 pm on a Friday night. In fact, with the exception of the cleaner who just mopped in, I'm all alone. There is a stunning 360 degree view of Toronto and the lake. I know Toronto is a-buzz but from here it seems peaceful and still. Tonight I got into the zone with something I'm working on - don't you love that feeling? Actual unfettered (well minimally fettered I suppose) productivity.

Thoughts:

This week someone said 'Thanks you really lifted me up!' and someone else said 'Thanks for the feedback! You've made my day!'. I've decided that given the whole monkeybrain, meat suit random arbitrarity (arbitrocity?) of it all, being a good person day to day and making the whole mill-about better for everybody milling about in your space is a big deal. What else is there at the end of the day? (Some love that expression, some hate it, I know)
It got dark really early and it was a bit rainy too. Garth and I were saying how it feels like summer has left us. Yes, September and October are my favourites with so much excitement, but there is some sadness that tags along. I'm feeling it now. I am going to some artist party with Andrea, her sister and friends... but I really feel like being cozy and staying in. Must not! Must adventure like crazy art pirate...
Jenny's baby. It's a boy! She told me this week that the ultrasound person said 'Your son is holding his penis right now.' Nice. Isn't it funny that while still in the mom's belly, the tiny human is fiddling with THAT part of the meat suit? It's fun! If I had one I'd be fiddling with it right now too.
I had my orientation at OISE this week. Right. Well I'm going to suspend judgement and let it unfold. I will say that the program chair, Marilyn Laiken seems amazing. Her kindness, warmth, wisdom and general wonderful energy are encouraging and inspiring.
Went climbing with Neil and his friend from university. She can already do a one-armed push-up (actually four with each arm!)!!! Sidebar: I made a bet that I will be able to do this by Aug 1st 2008. If I do this AND shave my head like GI Jane, I will receive quite a bit of cash from coworkers. If you would like to witness this event, I'll forward you the sign-up sheet. ;) (If you're wondering - no, I'm not kidding! There is a signup sheet.)

Well now it is 9:30 pm and I ate bran buds for dinner while blogging. Big weekend coming up... Last film of the festival, climbing, brunch, shopping engagement... hope you have a good one too!

Everybody wants something...

2007-09-08T12:47:00.000-07:00

...they'll never give up.

Everybody wants something, they'll take your money and never give up.

Everybody face up to the facts as they are,

Dedication is hard but, you'll be somebody and you will go far.

Everybody wants something, they'll never give up.

Everybody wants something, they'll take your money and never give up.

- The Zit Remedy

Well it is TIFF time in Toronto and I'm lovin' it up. Yesterday Elizabeth and I scouted the red carpet at Queen and John for a short time to get in the spirit. My celebrity money shot? A dose of nostalgia... check out the then and now... (then above, now below) I don't know his name on the show or in real life but even a quick google would cost seconds of my life I'll never get back.

Today Heather, Prachi and I saw Rendition as planned. This film was starful: Reese Witherspoon, Jake Gyllenhaal, and Meryl Streep did a fine job. The director, Gavin Hood, was not there for Q&A because his pregnant wife (twins) went into labour. (Well actually she is American so maybe she went into 'labor'.) This was a surprise since she is not due until the end of September. He said to tell us the only thing that would keep him from the 'birth' of this film was the birth of his children.

As we left the theatre and began to cross the street, a car slowed. We thought these were visitors asking for directions. Instead a woman said 'We have tickets to the next film and can't go... Can you use them?' Of course we can and thanks again universe.

The film was Michael Clayton with George Clooney. Now I am missing some chemical in my female monkeybrain because for some reason I don't like George Clooney. Like at all. Oh well. The movie was very good - although not nearly as high on our list as Rendition. This movie seemed more of a pleaser for guys. Such a hero that Michael Clayton was - and don't get me started on the weakness of the female characters. Heather and I both really enjoyed the performance of Tom Wilkinson. Check him out as Arthur.

When the film ended I again tried to head home and was again diverted. This time there was some excitement over a red carpet. The next film, Battle in Seattle, was coming up and several stars were arriving. I decided to snap some pics. It was pretty calm except for when Charlize Theron was walking the carpet. We're talking about grown men everywhere running, snapping, pleading: 'Charlize...CHARLIZE...Can I have your autograph???!!!' I nearly got scared for my John Fluevogs for a moment! As you'll see below, I snapped Charlize, her boyfriend and the director of the film, Stuart Townsend, Woody Harrelson, and Andre Benjamin. Well stay tuned for more fun... Tomorrow has two more films and who knows what adventures.

The Meaning of Life

2007-09-05T17:04:00.000-07:00

This is the first of many in my new monkeybrain series. Philosophers enjoy. This is fucked up.

So at the heart of it all is energy. We've all got a piece of that action. Then we've got this monkeybrain which we don't fully know how to operate. We are further limited in our (in)ability to perceive dimensions. We get three of them plus time (unless there are any ants or bees reading my blog). Time is a partial. Meaning we can see it when we're in it and after it has passed but not when it's still ahead of us.

Then there is the meat suit. We carry the energy and the monkeybrain around in the meat suit.

We all (billions of us!) live on a big round rock with a bunch of other creatures that have energy, monkeybrains and meat suits. Some of them we eat. Yum.

We know about some other stuff way out there... stars, planets, our universe (expanding at an increasing rate!!!), other universes... stars, matter, anti-matter, dark matter... (This can overload the monkeybrain so be careful here.)

Each night we sleep to build and rebuild the meat suit and the monkeybrain gets all charged up with energy so we dream. Then we wake up and do the mill-about:

The monkey brain perceives what's what and gives/receives signals to/from environment and the meat suit. It's all about the chemicals. Happy, sad, excited, curious, impatient, driven, lonely... all chemicals in the monkeybrain. We seek out situations that give us good chemicals and avoid situations that give us bad chemicals.
We primp, preen, stuff and fluff the meat suit and buy things to cover it and decorate it. Cute shoes. I love what you've done with your hair!
Most of us are professionally employed, so we generally sit around and use the monkeybrain for stuff of little to moderate consequence: The left brain sequences and the right brain looks at the big picture and puts it together.
We are designed to enjoy (ie gooooood chemicals in the monkeybrain) joining certain parts of our meat suit with certain parts of other meat suits. We think an awful lot about rubbing up parts. Can't help it! They fit so perfectly and this is, of course, how we keep the whole game going.
We like to spend time with humans who give us good chemicals. This usually means that they have a meat suit we like or that their monkeybrain works a lot like ours. This is comforting.
When we really like another human we enter an agreement. It says: I really like your mb and ms and energy. I promise to help you feed your ms, and to give you good chemicals in your mb. I also promise to never rub my ms up against anyones except yours!
All the rubbing creates new humans and we are designed to like them even though they look and act like science experiments gone bad and are a ton of work to grow to full size. It's worth it! They are smooth and new and we like it. Just about as much as we dislike wrinkled and old.
We all play along and keep the whole game going... but somehow those damn chemicals are never quite right. We just keep trying for the good ones! Even people with beautiful meat suits who can rub them against anyone they want can't get that monkeybrain any peace. (ie Owen Wilson)... We make and break agreements with other humans. We travel all around in our meat suits. Some of us even try to get at the energy part. What is it???

The biggest joke is that there isn't a human among us who knows wtf we are supposed to be doing here!!! We feed the meat suit, do the rub, make more of us, use the monkeybrain (hoping yours doesn't go on the fritz like mine did!) and seek out the good chemicals. We aren't sure what exactly is left when you strip away the chemicals, the monkeybrain and the meat suit.

Yet somehow deep down we feel the energy. We know we are connected to every other bit of energy and to something big. We just freakin' know it.

Colin Firth I Am Ready!

2007-09-04T19:52:00.000-07:00

Well this year I am doing it right. Thanks to my friend Heather's coaching, I have managed to stay on top of all the deadlines, lotteries, queues, firstborn signaways etc. and now have tickets to seven films in TIFF. Here's where I'll be (when I'm not stalking Colin Firth):

Rendition
Sat 8-Sep

XXY
Sun 9-Sep

Breakfast with Scot
Sun 9-Sep

The Jane Austen Book Club
Mon 10-Sep

Juno
Mon 10-Sep

The Stone Angel
Wed 12-Sep

Then She Found Me
Sat 15-Sep

I will add my comments / reviews after the fact. Bye!

D

PS These fims seem very vanilla when I look at them now. I blame Heather as she does not like to see foreign films on account of the subtitles. And because she is the only other person to blame besides myself.

Happy New Year

2007-09-03T19:03:00.000-07:00

OK so I am finally removing 387 pictures from my digital camera. Foldering, naming, remembering, forgetting, rotating, cringing, deleting, such-and-suching. This is all part of the D New Year. For me, September and October are the months of renewal and starting fresh. I love the rustling, the crispness, back-to-school, Hallowe'en, Oktoberfest and of course Thanksgiving (such a great holiday). So, I'm organizing and getting stoked for the year to come by for starters, organizing photos! Being as self-obsessed and captivated with my own countenance as the next guy, I have been known to take some pictures of myself. Thought I would share. Now if you are tempted to comment that you do NOT do this or you HATE pictures of yourself, then just stop and let me believe it is normal:

This was taken at MJ's wedding in June 2007. I really like it. The lighting was good and the curtain was wispy:

This one is disturbing yet artsy. Just taken on Saturday morning (September 1st, 2007) to capture the birth of September, one of my favourite months. September 1st evening turned out quite strange and unsettling so maybe this photo was foreshadowing:

Finally, the ethereal. (Also part of the September 1st look-ahead...) Looking forward to a sparkling, learning, doing, journey of a year:

I have some longer blogs-in-process (including the wedding blog - hold your horses Jennifer! It's coming...). This is just eye candy...of me... for me.

A few years back I read an article about a study of apes who, like crazy humans, enjoy looking at pictures of each other. In fact, they were willing to trade in bananas for pictures of the most popular apes in the group. They didn't want to view photos of the less popular apes as much. I can't find the article now so you'll have to trust me.

Which photo (if any) would you trade tasty bananas for?

Bye!

Added 9/16: Needing to add a little note to myself about how freakin' exciting and amazing Sept 1st turned out to be. What an amazing gift - to be alive and groovin' out in this exact moment and space in time. YAY!!! A champagne supernova all for me :)

Geared Up

2007-09-03T05:59:00.001-07:00

On Friday (August 31st) I purchased my shoes and harness for climbing. The shoes, like most things in life, represent a balance. In this case the tension lies between choosing a size that is marginally comfortable and buying them as teeny tiny small as possible so you can create a solid platform for standing on beer bottle caps and such and such. (Experienced climbers brag like this: "I wear a size 13 and my climbing shoes are a 9!" This is too much pain and disfigurement for me.) I initially bought my shoes too large (common error - been buying shoes for walking all my life...) and then immediately course corrected, returned them and bought the right size.

The hard cores who work there approved and the woman even said they were cute. YES!!! Cute climbing shoes! Take a look at my fancay new purchases:

I went to the gym to try them out but Garth would not attend and Darren/Bodhi was not there either so I was out of luck.... or was I? I was so stoked to try my stuff that after watching amazing sprite climbers for a while I found these newerbie (meaning even more newbie than me!) women who only had three in their partay and literally forced one of them to be my climbing partner. She was spent and was thus content (accidently typed 'cuntent' first. lol.) to belay me. YES! I made some more breakthroughs, made a butt of myself in various ways I shall not describe and then finally met Garth at Riff-Raff's.

Good freakin' times.

I Rock (Climber)

2007-08-30T05:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Garth and I went climbing together. It was Garth's first time and he liked it! I had another milestone night. Yaayyy! I climbed to the top of the 5.6 (same one as last time) but this time I didn't use any pirate ploys to get to the top. I only used actual grips (AND only the ones set for my course) - no cheating!!!

Darren (Bodhi emerging?) was there and he helped Garth and I all night. He is such a sprite. Love that guy. Garth and I decided we achieved much more with him around because we would too easily give up in front of each other, but in front of Bodhi there is some temptation to be like 'Yes I AM cool enough to be in your bad ass bank robbin' surfer posse.' Yup.

So I

Made it to the top without cheating
Rallied and made it to the top of ANOTHER easier climb after that - I was freakin' exhausted!
Worked on looking cool (ie better climbing form/techniques) after Darren did an impression of what I look like! This means straighter arms, hangin' low, hip shiftin and trusting my legs. (Hard to trust those two - especially the sketchy left one!)
Explored balance - there is some kind of zen karate kid thing you actually start to do where you stick one leg out where there is no hold to balance yourself.
Switched footing.
Let myself reach and fall off a few times (a BIG deal for me).
Did a pull-up and a chin-up where Darren did most of the work spotting me
Did ...of course... push-ups. Did such a good job on women's that he thought I could for sure do a man's. Not last night.
Exerted myself further than ever before ESPECIALLY in front of another human. This is really hard for me.

So stay tuned for my blog about SF and the wedding. I'm going to upload photos and write my entry on the weekend.

If you aren't interested in my climbing progress then you can avoid blog entries with this label. There will be a lot of them. Climbing is a lot more fun than dating. AND there are more hot, shirtless men.

Just like in Point Break

2007-08-23T04:25:00.000-07:00

Mary and I went climbing at Rock Oasis again last night and it was the best yet. I actually made it to the top of higher, more difficult (for me) climb and it rocked.

Pirate sidebar: I'm at the point where I pretty much do whatever I have to do (graceless, desperate, unscrupulous) to get to the top. If it means using a grip from the climb beside me or holding onto these rope holder thingys for lead climbing - I'll do it. I asked Daniel (guy who works there) if it is unsafe or a problem and he said, not really, but it's 'cheating'. I said (so I says to him...) 'listen Daniel, it's a bit of a pirate's game for me at this point!!!' I included this conversation because I think pirate code applied to any situation is funny. I love pirates lately.

After we had our fill, we walked toward the back of the gym and I saw this woman doing chin ups! (A guy was steadying her legs but it still counts) Omigosh I was so impressed that I had to high five her after (seriously I did high five her). Then Mary and I got talking with her (Amy) and her friends (Darren and "Hoops"). They were so nice and helpful. AND turns out she too used to be over 200 lbs too! Can you believe it? What a perfect mentor. She is cut. She is hot. She is surrounded three nights a week in hot shirtless men. By the end of it, Darren said, well come climb with us anytime. We're here Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

...

This reminds me of Point Break when Keanu detective guy is trying to infiltrate the coolio surfer group. At first he toils and gets roughed up by mean people and finally the leader (aka Bodhi sexy Patrick Swayze) takes him under his wing. Yay he is happy. Then he becomes all bad ass surfer too and shags that hot woman. Anyway I'm having trouble fully assigning roles at this point. Is Darren the leader or Hoops? Or Amy?? Will I shag one of this posse? This was not something I anticipated as a byproduct of climbing.

Lettin' it unfold... :)

I do this every day!

2007-08-22T05:01:00.001-07:00

So every morning I wake up before my alarm. Like way before. I freakin' love waking up early. Then I get all into whatever I'm up to and the time flies flies flies by...

6:48 am
7:04 am
7:25 am my alarm actually goes off at this point
7:41 am
7:55 am k gotta stop typing/reading/trying on outfits/whatever now
8:01 am k pull away!!! PULL AWAY...
8:09 am now uggghhh rush rush rush shower run dress mismatched ahhhh change no time subway

arrive 9:09 am late by a hair

I always push it just a little too far, y'know?

Wholeness

2007-08-21T19:40:00.001-07:00

I had a great evening tonight - got my TCard (U of T student card) yay September, then did a wellness check-in at Daniel's place and finally had dinner at Fresh with Lisa and some of her pals (love them). The nugget of wisdom from the wellness check-in today came originally from Daniel's mom:

"Focus on your wholeness, as well as your holiness."

Now this may at first scare you off because of the word holiness. Stay with me.

Holiness = The perfect person you want to be. The level of 'goodness' you are trying to attain.

Wholeness = Who you really are, as a whole human. Wholeness = Kind, generous, vulnerable, funny, loving...but also angry, jealous, vindictive, petty, greedy, selfish... you get it? We are all whole people with many sides to us and these are human. To push down or deprive, rather than honouring some of the not so holy elements fails to honour our wholeness.

I like this. Thanks Jinx.

I open at the close

2007-08-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

After prolonging as long as I could...finding no way to avoid it...I finished the last pages of the last ever Harry Potter book!

Now I feel empty.

Wearing pants. Winter coming. Dog limping. People being unmagical. There is an official street term for this feeling - already described on urbandictionary.com: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=post-Potter+depression

Look Sunny - You can see forever!

2007-08-19T15:10:00.000-07:00

This weekend I headed to Waterloo. It turned out to be a hard visit. Our dog Winston is not doing well now. He is 12 and recently started limping a lot. Turns out he has a bad knee in one of his back legs. The vet gave two options a few weeks ago: 1) Limit his activity - no jumping, running, playing etc. and maybe it will heal itself since he is a small guy or 2) an expensive knee surgery with a painful 4 month recovery.

Well we tried option 1 and it is not working. Given his age and the seriousness of the surgery, we have ruled out 2. Argh. So we are having a sad time. Crying in the living room. Crying at brunch. Crying on poor Hop Along himself...

Sitting outside in Sunny's backyard with her and Garth this afternoon, I heard the leaves rustling in the cooled autumn sunshine. Many of you know that my favourite season is approaching. There is such a depth and wisdom to the beauty of autumn. I always experience the excitement of it, but there is also a sadness, and this year I feel it acutely.

We talked about seasons and about getting older. We talked about how older people live in a memories of happy times and we wondered in what space and time we would place ourselves when we were senile seniors. Sunny said she would likely be back in the time when Garth and Gillian were young. She remembered a summer in P.E.I. when Garth was 4... They climbed to the top of a high sand dune. Garth, on his belly, looked over the edge and said 'Look Sunny! You can see forever!'

Why I Love John Fluevog

2007-08-17T18:48:00.001-07:00

So tonight I had a date! I decided to go all out and doll up since it is Friday night and I do have it in me to look fabulous. I wore a tres cute little black dress and these hot hot sexaaay shoes:

The date was not very good. It became clear that we were incompatible within a few minutes. On everything from movies to Harry Potter to pets, plants...we were polar opposites. (Just thought of polar bears... too bad we weren't polar bears on a date drinking coca cola and saying maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!)

Funniest part of the date:

D's Date: Those are great shoes.

D: Really, you like them, huh?

D's Date: Yes! ..........They're the best part of this date so far.

D: ........They really are, aren't they?

Happy Friday everyone!!!!

Monkey Princess

2007-08-16T04:51:00.001-07:00

Yesterday Mary and I went climbing for the second time at Rock Oasis. Now Heather, Heather's parents, Shawna and Melanie can attest to my timid athleticism:

Sidebar to Heather's dad, watching me gracelessly try to get on/off the Seadoo at the cottage: "Is every day like this for you Denise?"

Yes pretty much Mr. McA.

Annnyyywayyyyy... the story is this: While there, I noticed an asian woman totally kickin' butt - climbing really well way up up up in the rafters and...get this... wearing a tiara!!!

I get that. I get her. I freakin' love climbing.

Meet Jack Quarter

2007-08-14T04:25:00.000-07:00

I was recently accepted to OISE U of T's M.Ed. in Adult Education and Community Development. Yaaaay! Lemme tell ya, when I look at some of the courses I get to take, my heart speeds up like too much coffay. This did not happen with Business. Bleh.

My excitement at being accepted (I love validation!) had only one small grey cloud, the faculty advisor I was assigned was not the one I had my academic heart set upon. I soul-searched a bit, thinking - Is this an example of the universe unfolding? Do I need to just let go and trust that I have the right advisor for some purpose that I have not yet identified? (See Reason, Season, Unicorn blog...)

Well yesterday I emailed Jack Quarter, the advisor I fancied, and within twenty minutes he replied back YES and requested the change himself! Woo hoo! This is an example of the universe needing a slight tweak or nudge once in a while!

Fun links: (Yes, my idea of fun is off...)

My Master of Education program.
Courses offered through this program.
A page on my faculty advisor, Jack Quarter.
The Social Economy Centre.
Some stuff I have to get set up to become a real live U of T student. (This link is really just for me since I lost the piece of paper...)

Stay Tuned...

I Love You You Slutty Little Leprechaun!

2007-08-13T04:26:00.000-07:00

So a few months back I met a crazy character named Zack at a subway sandwich shop. He is a Jewish freelance journalist from Montreal. Sort of sweet and edgy (swedgy) and verrrry good at the banter. Bantertasmic. Perfectly timed with the uprising, I was able to learn more about this near stranger a la Facebook.

Turns out Zack is in this long time tumultuous relationship (ie "It's Complicated" to "Open Relationship With" to "Single" back to "It's Complicated"...you get it) with a rockstar writer performer person from Toronto called Elayne. (They also have a little pet named Marzipan le doggie who is a female dog with a humping problem... yes this is what I do instead of keeping up on current events)

Well they were traveling to exciting places together, and at one point while in Ireland he wrote to her "I love you, you slutty little leprechaun!" Now this silly flirtism got hold of me and won't let go. How so, you ask? (A friend said if anyone called her that she would hit him in the mouth! I feel differently.) My gosh do I feel some serious longing for a big bright love... and for an edgy, hot dynamic where I really am a slutty little leprechaun... a slutty little leprechaun with someone in love with me! Is this insanity or do you get the appeal???

A Reason, A Season or A Fairy Pullin' A Unicorn

2007-08-12T12:38:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard this one? Everyone enters your life for either a reason, a season or a lifetime. This is nice. Now you are yourself thinking of people who fall into whatever category la la la blah blah blah.

This link leads to an explanation of the whole concept AND has a nice picture of a fairy pulling around a unicorn:
http://www.steeldog.com/reasonseasonlifetime.htm

Dream Dirty

2006-05-31T04:32:00.000-07:00

I am a lucky one who dreams crazy and remembers. Sometimes I even know I'm dreaming when I'm dreaming and then watch out! Orgies, cigarette smoking and flying! (Some friends I told this to say they picture me as a devious smoking valkyrie! But that's not what this entry is about...

The other day a boy emailed me and said that he had just had a particularly dirty dream about me and that he'd tell me about it when drunk. Now this is a boy I find hot. This is a boy with whom I enjoy the odd treat. I did not reply to his email but still I find myself wondering what the heck he was dreaming! It is so weird that beyond one's control, one can find oneself in the deep subconscious of another! What was I doing there? What did I do? Can I do it in real life???

Bye!

D

Proposition

2006-05-30T19:40:00.000-07:00

Today I got an IM message from a couple... They described themselves as 'friends who share sexual experiences'. They are looking for a new experience: threesome or foursome...

I told them it had been six months since I had a twosome so three or four would probably be overdoing it... ;)

How do you like me now?

2006-05-24T18:01:00.000-07:00

OK here are some photos of me with my new lesbian hair...

What do you think?

d

Speak Up

2006-04-17T15:36:00.000-07:00

Hey Everybody

I changed the settings so now you don't have to have an account or log in to leave a comment. Please test it out and leave a comment right now :0)

Here's what you can comment on: (choose one!)

a - whether or not I should get blue hair (it is on my top ten list!)
b - whether or not I should try dating a girl
c - whether or not it is appropriate for me to give fake names, occupations, accents during bad dates for my own amusement (and yours!)

Thanks all!

D

Beautiful Moment

2006-04-07T21:44:00.000-07:00

Tonight I went for a burger and beverage with H at Betty's. Yummmm. Ended up that we both didn't feel like drinking alcohol so I just had tea. (I'm telling you this as a precursor to my story so you know I am not drunk!)

It was weird - I felt really pretty today and tonight. H even noticed - he said 'you look good'...and he thought maybe I had gotten some sun colour on my face. I was all glowy. I just got home and it was so weird because I had this really freaky experience while standing in front of the mirror.

It's hard to explain. I felt like I was seeing myself for the first time. I stared into myself and I saw such an incredibly beautiful person. I loved the way I looked! I just seemed to love everything - my hair, my face, my body... even my jiggly little belly which is always a little large in proportion to the rest of me. For one frozen moment in time there was no other person I wanted to look like more than exactly me. For some of you, maybe you're thinking - hey, that's no biggie - I feel like that all the time. For others, maybe you're thinking - wow - I've never felt like that.

For me, this is a huge milestone - It sounds unreal now but my self-talk from early adolescence on was so critical and cruel. I told myself again and again that I was fat, ugly, unlovable. I know it sounds overly dramatic but believe me it was bad. I was convinced that I was a monster - can you imagine? I look back and it is heartbreaking what I put myself through. It sounds so cliche but I'm finally feeling love for myself. I'm starting to feel really comfortable and confident in my own skin. The shift is subtle but yet so pronounced... what a beautiful change :)

D

Stop the Presses!!!

2006-04-07T05:12:00.000-07:00

I have made a major, groundbreaking discovery about men.

I was having sushi with two male friends of mine (H and C) who are as testosterish, sporty and boarish as any. They were talking about how they had brunch at Mel's last weekend and their waitress was wearing a shirt that revealed quite a bit. Apparently she was *quite* overweight with some skin showing in a way not intended by the shirt designer (although I blame the pants these days for the bulge factor... but that's another blog). Anyway, that sort of thing happens all the time, but the absolute shocker and I mean SHOCKER of it is that both of them were going on about how she was HOT.

Is fat the new thin? I know many women can pull off curvy or voluptuous - sure yes. But are there some women who are at their attractive best when they're downright meaty? How much chubb is too much for these men?

Granted, I did not see the girl - I only heard about her. Maybe she was not ever fat at all and that's just how warped our society is... who knows? Maybe next time we eat together I'll lift up my shirt and shoot a penny out of my belly button and then I'll make my jiggly belly speak. It will say 'how do you like me now???' I bet H & C would like that... it would be funny... but hot.... I'm thinking no!

Happy Friday!

D

Funniest April Fool's Ever!!!

2006-04-01T10:14:00.000-08:00

K so I slept in until 11 am which only gave me 1 hr for April Fool's Day Mayhem. (Purests know that pranks can only go on before noon!)

So I called my friend Jenny Hahn (known since Grade 9 - highschool - she's married and lives in Winnipeg now) Her husband tells me she traveling and gives me her work cell number. I call her up and tell her:

Omigod Jenny. About 2 and a half weeks ago I went on a Lavalife date with a guy named Darcy and we got drunk on red wine (believe me she knows what that's like!) and...

Jenny inserts - "You shagged him!!!"

I say 'Yes and...'

Jenny inserts - "You're not preggers are you?"

I'm like - "Jenny I work up this morning and I threw up!!!! I went to the drugstore and got myself a p.t. Now I peed on the stick but I can't make myself go look at it... so I called you."

Jenny's like "Omigod - you have to go look at the stick. Holy fuck Deniser... what's Audrey gonna say?"

I'm all "I can't look at the stick"

Jenny's like "Deniser look at the stick!!! I can't believe you're laughing..."

I keep delaying looking at the stick - totally driving her nuts and finally I look at the stick and I'm like "HOOOOLYYYY SHIIIIIIIT - It's positive!!!"

She totally freaks and I totally freak and I can't stop laughing but that makes it all the more believable cuz I think that's what I would really do if such a thing happened. Finally I say "I hope it's a girl. I already have the name picked out." She asks what and I say: "First name...April. Middle name......Fools!"

Then I laughed so hard I was crying and almost peed my pants. It was CLASSIC. Good ol' Jenny Hahn. In highschool i convinced her that you can smoke cigarettes through your ear. Some things never change ;)

Happy April Fool's everybody!

PS check out www.oddtodd.com today...

I say

2006-03-25T04:18:00.000-08:00

I have an unfortunate name and just let me tell you why:

OK Here it is: DENISE

Play the change one letter game and you get: demise or penise
Play the eliminate one letter game and you get: dense

Then there's all the loosely rhyming stuff:
disease
denise the beast (cousins thought of this one while I was in my formative years)
deniser the greaser (this came from highschool...

...let it land.
uh huh.
i know.
just nasty.)

There's the ability to simply pronounce it offensively without even really changing it:
DUUUUUH-niece. (This originated in camp but my friend's dad still does it for laughs. Fucking hilarious.)

There are also unfortunate names that people use accidentally instead of denise:
dianne
debbie

(I hate these as much as or more than denise)

Finally there is the old: Hey De-niece, how's De-nephew?

Sometimes at 7:30 am on a Sunday I get a bit down about my stupid name. I guess if elf up popped in right now to share some optimism, there IS a bright side to all this. The archives say that mumsy and dad were at a toss-up between two girls names....

My friends... I was almost a Noreen!!!!

(If you're wondering what this has to do with dating, I'm in a long term relationship with myself and I think I may need to end it because this name sucks!)

Bye!

D

Let me take a moment to

2006-03-09T22:18:00.000-08:00

be drunk and truthful.

No one will ever compare.