Get ready for a story and discussion/reflection.
Story
(Honesty Rating (H.R.): med-high, Entertainment Value (E.V.): med-high (much better than yet another climbing story)
Last night I went to a Christmas party hosted by a friend from work. She is a few years older with a partner and young son but the party was not a coupley lame-ass affair with pervasive diaper talk. It was a great time with awesome food and plenty o' booze. There were 40+ people expected to attend and on Friday, she was reflecting on whether there would be any single men whom I might like in attendance. She thought of a few...
So she went through and explained this or that guy: tall, smart, financially stable, successful, funny, homeowner, 'great guy', etc. On a sidebar, I think it is funny the adjectives we use to describe men or women when considering them as potential dates or partners. On another sidebar, it is interesting how many other items on the list women are willing to trade up for 'tall'. Anyway, I did my 'off dating' bit and just laughed along through the conversation.
I dolled up for the party and arrived with Harry and Evan, two friends I work with (wearing my kickass new snow boots just in time for the blizzard! Yippee!) As we started mingling, working the scene, if you will, in the back of my mind, I wondered who in the crowd of many strangers were the men my friend had described. (Incidentally, I believe only 1 of them showed up on account of the weather...)
So I see this guy across the room (how cliche) and immediately that indescribable energy, something, prompts me to send his way the biggest, cutest smile I've got. As some of you may know, this is quite a smile. I had absolutely no idea if he was single or if one of the mini humans running around the kitchen were his contribution to species propagation. The traits of this man were some of the usual for me:
- Big features: eyes and smile
- Tall and large (ie burly, not skinny at all. Slightly heavy rather than rail thin.)
- Friendly: smiling and social, outgoing
- Glint o' laughter and trouble in the eyes and smile indicating playful, clever sense of humour
- Apparent ethnicity: Some percentage (ie 50% or less) black. So he was light brown :)
- Dressed very casually - jeans, fleece. No metrosexuality.
- Very confident
Soon we were introduced and he was sure he had met me somewhere. I clarified that my smile earlier was charm and not recognition as we had never met before. We chatted amidst a group of people and then it was time to go downstairs for the next course in the meal... and in my mind, the game was on. I knew within 3 seconds that I liked him and at the very least, my body had the clear intention of pursuit. (Pursuit of meat suit)
I made no mention to the hostess or any of my friends. Turns out he is her husband's poker buddy and wasn't even in the list of 'eligible' men she had thought about earlier. As is the way, I had to pursue with subtlety. I play a good cat and mouse. I just worked the friendly and funny angle and mingled a lot with everyone. The booze was flowing. He emerged as quite a drinker and a smoker. Clearly, he was a 'character'. Harry would say, 'a big personality'. He had this bad boy, devil may care thing going on. In spite of several conversations, I had no idea of his occupation, education, status... etc. Got the sense though, that there was nothing impressive to find out or I would have found it out! Didn't care!
So we got to playing poker. We were sitting beside each other (what a coincidence!) around the cramped poker table. By now this guy had his leg very close to mine and every once in a while he gave my leg a squeeze with his hand. Another sidebar: Isn't the hand on leg electric? I think hand on leg is the tipping point that acknowledges mutual sexual attraction. When a man puts his hand on a woman's leg for the first time, it charts the course for what will come. His hand wants to be up her skirt and between her legs! Further, it indicates that he has received sufficient sexual signals from her to be so bold. If she welcomes hand on leg, she will likely welcome head between legs etc. (Caveat: Social situation permitting, and not necessarily on the same evening! but viscerally (ie in the meat suit, monkeybrain connection) this holds true)
So isn't this fun? Sneaky covert flirtation amongst a table of the drunk and oblivious. Of course the hours moved along and Harry (who lives down the street) was aggressively trying to get me to leave. Harry was telling me to go all in. The boy I liked was giving me more chips. :) Sadly, eventually Harry won out and we headed upstairs to go.
At this point, everyone was congregated in the entryway by the door. Harry was already outside looking for the cab. Everyone was saying goodbye. This guy had said I should stay and be his euchre partner (euphemism, lol) and was sad I was leaving. I was almost out the door and wondering if/how I could even get to say goodbye to him.
Right in front of everyone, he walked up to me smiling and gave me this huge hug. Remember he was big and fleecy and it felt so freakin' good that I nearly melted into him or straddled him or something! Then, still right in front of everyone - he kissed me long on the lips. Too long to be just friendly, but not 'making out'. He whispered that I should stay. Oh god this meat suit of mine was all 'stay stay stay STAY!' Of course, no no no. I couldn't stay. It was absolutely socially impossible for me to stay.
Everyone was surprised! They exclaimed something about this guy being 'smooth' as if he was putting moves on me, the innocent female victim. As if he was a player. I laughed it off and went to the cab. There were too many people to fit in the cab but a good friend of the hostess said (outside) 'We have to get Denise in the first cab - away from M!" (where "M"=the boy I liked. His full name is being kept out of this entry). Then she jokingly said to me that I should take it as an early Christmas present: "Merry Christmas!"
So Merry freakin' Christmas. I went home.
Discussion
The story took too long and now I don't have time for much discussion. Some thoughts:
- Why am I here typing this instead of working on my seventh orgasm with my new friend?
- Is it possible to regret if you do and regret if you don't? I have been cut by both edges of this sword in the past. I KNOW I found him attractive when sober. I WANTED him. I KNOW I very purposefully made him want me too.
- Were the people at the party trying to protect me because he is of bad character? ie girlfriend? baggage? STI? man whore? flake? Or did they just assume I was being compromised as a result of alcohol?
- I am nearly positive that he was not 'dateable' in a future-looking way. If this is relevant, then why doesn't my body give a shit about future 'relationship potential'? I think it wants to make big, hearty babies and all it cares about is selecting the alpha who will get up in there. My meat suit does not give a crap if my coworkers judge me or I end up stressing about consequences (all sorts) later. So I try to do the responsible thing and now I feel sad.
- Wouldn't the time have been better spent climbing???
Oh well. All will agree, it is not always about immediate gratification but about planting seeds and letting them grow. I will learn more about him on Monday and just let it unfold. In the meantime... gotta run to brunch people.
xox
d
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