Beautiful Moment

Tonight I went for a burger and beverage with H at Betty's. Yummmm. Ended up that we both didn't feel like drinking alcohol so I just had tea. (I'm telling you this as a precursor to my story so you know I am not drunk!)

It was weird - I felt really pretty today and tonight. H even noticed - he said 'you look good'...and he thought maybe I had gotten some sun colour on my face. I was all glowy. I just got home and it was so weird because I had this really freaky experience while standing in front of the mirror.

It's hard to explain. I felt like I was seeing myself for the first time. I stared into myself and I saw such an incredibly beautiful person. I loved the way I looked! I just seemed to love everything - my hair, my face, my body... even my jiggly little belly which is always a little large in proportion to the rest of me. For one frozen moment in time there was no other person I wanted to look like more than exactly me. For some of you, maybe you're thinking - hey, that's no biggie - I feel like that all the time. For others, maybe you're thinking - wow - I've never felt like that.

For me, this is a huge milestone - It sounds unreal now but my self-talk from early adolescence on was so critical and cruel. I told myself again and again that I was fat, ugly, unlovable. I know it sounds overly dramatic but believe me it was bad. I was convinced that I was a monster - can you imagine? I look back and it is heartbreaking what I put myself through. It sounds so cliche but I'm finally feeling love for myself. I'm starting to feel really comfortable and confident in my own skin. The shift is subtle but yet so pronounced... what a beautiful change :)

D